Twilight

I'm sitting blogging here when I'm suppose in evidence and tort. I overslept, cause partly my parents not here. If they are here they'll know I got Friday class an would nag me till I go. I went out with a friend yesterday, was suppose to be dinner but followed up by a movie. So spontaneous and nasib baik got seats la.

We went to watch Twilight. I'm not really fond of the movie initially but because there no other movies for me to watch and animation is not really my thing so have to choose Twilight. I heard that teenageers in US are going crazy about this movie. Well Its a pretty nice decent show. Mind you this show is about vampires loving a human so the basis of this show is LOVE and not much action, and even if there is, there is nothing specatacular about the fight scenes and all.

The story is about Bella a new girl in a small town called Forks. Suprisingly she found new friends in High School pretty quick so don't have the bitchy cheerleader drama going on. First day of school, she met Edward Cullen and she have to sit next him during Biology but when he saw her, he look repulsed and pretty much did not talk to her. Then he wanted to change classes but couldn't. So it went on a couple of weeks the hot and cold feelings he shown her and then the love story begins and she knew that he is a vampire. But a good one, like vampire who's a vegetarian that only drink animal's blood. Ed loves Bella so much that he introduces him to his family who is all vampires also. They are all so nice and welcoming. (I think the father is damn hot!!)
So later there is a drama going on, so you guys just have to watch it.

I think it would be great if they would make this into a tv series, I would totally download it every week and watch.

trance confession

I jsut realized that trance keeps being from being more emo. When I broke up, I listened to songs that supposedly help me from being emo. Those breakup songs but none worked better then trance. not even my usual bossa nova or jazz but trance. I feel calmer. Crazy for people to accept but I love trance and it keeps me sane.I clicked on some mainstream songs today and from mentally tired, it makes me feel slightly emo and make me think of irrelevant petty things that makes me even more emo. Trance for life!!
After a gruelling class today I was so tired mentally, when I stepped into my car, i quickly put on my saviour album: Universal Religion by Armin..terus relaxed..even Sylvester , my friend says the music is great. Came back I have to straight click on my itunes for some real music. Music that calms me down. Its like a drug, you need the music constantly.
how I wish I've known trance earlier..

Zara: Lost

A busy weekend I supposed. Like I said I don't like to stay at home. This week is prom nite and so is my brithday. I don't really have big plans, just dinner with friends and clubbing I guess with another bunch of friends.This year well, my first birthday in many many years with as a single girl. I kinda dread my birthday this year.
I celebrated with my family yesterday, just steamboat at Sunway. It's a tad bit early but its the only weekend where everyone is free. They asked me to drive to Brother's Puchong later and ask me to pick a cd player. What a suprise!!Now my car is certified a clubbing car..lol
pics later, cuz i dunno where my camera is. I know its here somewhere, in my car or downstairs or in my many bags.
My room is a huge mess, too many books. I think us law students are the cause of global warming cuz we use too much trees. I have 3 groups of books for 4 subjects. A set of books by UOL, textbooks from college and my bro's books n notes. Notwithstanding notebooks of written lecture notes..ARgh..so much stuff..
I creted a group for trance fans in Msia, so anyone who likes trance pls join the group. I'm in the midst of getting some local djs to join and hopefully create a strong base for trance fans..

emo..slightly..the rest is just random

It's nearing the end of November. One more month till 2009..Times flies by so fast, so much have happened. I've changed my blog and the layout a couple of times.
I was feeling lousy lately, but I met my yoga friend and she say I look hot. I don't feel hot.
A long lost friend says I look hot also, so is another girl whom I met recently. But the thing is I don't feel beautiful. The friend told me I must feel confident but I'm just plain emo and feeling lousy. Some days are just crappy, as if there's nothing to look forward in my life. My objective now is just getting through weekends. I've been clubbing very week and hope I can go clubbing also tomorrow. I dont care gay joint or straight, I want booze and music.
I now enjoy dressing up. I found that my taste in shopping has improved, I began to pick clothes that flatters me compared to last time.My makeup has also improved, a gay guy says I have better makeup now. When a gay guy says you look hot, you know you getting somewhere...lol
I actually don't know what to blog, I actually very malas to blog more bout my emoness, jsut a mention here on my blog.
In other mundane news, I'm drowning in Part 1. I'm not that focused anymore. Uni books has arrived and I just wrapped the textbooks and put it back in the box. I don't have the urge to touch it and open the book.
Moving on, after a long day of class, I have to rush to my sis place. From Brickfileds, I drove like mad back to Pandan then sped my way up to Puchong. My sis bought this cute portable speaker and I used it to connect my MP4 in the car. What music would I listen if not Trance??!! SO I was driving in 3rd lane and trance-ing in my car..At one point, I don't know its the music or the tiredness, I totally blanked out as in I totally was not aware I was driving. I was speeding in the 3rd lane for about 5-10 minutes but my mind was not aware. My subconscious mind was driving, then when I snapped back at it, I nearly missed the turning to my sis's place.I'm not asleep but I was just in a daze somehow. Scary. I think I got into a car crash (touchwood..) I don't even know what happen and by that time I might be at the gates of Heaven already.
that's about it, my ramblings or ranings you might call it. ciao~

spinning

I'm now at some frens house, blogging. I'm amazed that the house is kept so clean and theit's tenants are all males. They party hard and yet their house is squeaky clean, and no, they do not have a maid.
I'm feeling kinda lousy this week, I don't know why.
Maybe i have bipolar disorder. I just want all this negativity aura in my life to be gone.
I'm hungry, and they are partying downstairs, have they own dj set and one guy spinning. It's a gay party as usual..so guys to pick up..lol
I think I want to learn to spin la..sounds interesting and I think i can get some DJ to teach me. Well it's an interest and would love to learn something new.

club 21

I'm finally sober. Iw as drunk yesterday night . I don't know how many drinks I had. I went to Club 21 yesterday night and got the best seat in the place. My friend Virata opened 3 bottles I think. He belanja so we all hentam on the booze..Virata bought his frineds, and conincindently we met some other frens who recognised Virata and a friend of Vera's cousin whom was there as well. So it's a pretty small world. I had fun not only because of the booze and dancing but I get to meet new people. That night I have contacts from bankers, auction property manager,rockclimber and a doctor. talk about networking. Of course the best part I did not fork out a single cent. This what I called successful clubbing. You danced,drink and meet people.
Club 21, is a club at Changkat there, near Jalan Alor, opposite Frangi. I knew this place and know its the hangout place for most Mat Salleh. I think we were the youngerst bunch there..lol. The music was ok. Chillout house I think. Then it gets on pretty great around 2 and we danced like no tomorow taking breaks to drink again. We all finished the 3 bottles.
I really did not one the party to end lo. I'm still now in state of alcohol shock, need to process back what happened yesterday night.

M

I'm pissed at someone. Things you convey to people with good intention came back to stab you at the back as if your fault. Then when you confront the person, you end being the victim as if your fault for telling it in the first place. Why am I being misunderstood?
I always tell myself don't take it to your heart. People will always bring you down and by forgiving them, I will be better. It's tough. Really tough. Some people will always want to win, well I think I will let them win or be right eventhough I think their wrong. Why? Cause they will not accept feedback. Then in the end I'm always known to be someone who has a thorny side where deep down I think I have good intentions. From now on, I'm washing my hands of all this and try to live my life. As people get closer, things are said carelessly but they don't know that it hurts.
Life will always have challenges, big or small. I'm learning to handle it. I'm more patient but it still hurts.

going wrong?

This whole week is like non stop for me. Classes and the invigilating. Eventhough invigilating for 1 and half hours may seem easy but you need to pay attention and observe the students, and walking rounds throughout the hall. Tiring. I really did not do any studying this past few weeks and skipped like 3 tutorials. I've been clubbing for two weekends in a row. I'm tired. I din go gym. My life is slighlty disorganised but I had fun. But sometimes no matter how much fun you have, you come back at times feeling empty. At times when I can get enough sleep, I tend not to sleep early. A friend told me is pyschological escapism. Even with the postive post previously, I have the tendency to make myself occupied all the time. I download tonnes of series, podcasts, movies and going out more. I went clubbing 3 times in 2 weeks. Watch James bond twice summore. I'm fine i guess, just that I feel I need to do a lot of things but sadly study is not my top priority right now. Is there something wrong with me?

before and after

Througout the emo,drama,unsettling months, as most of you guys know I've lost weight. I've lost 10lbs altogether or 5 kg or so. It's still going down and at times in the morning when I weight myself it was around 52 to my amazement even I don't gym so much now. I'm not tying to brag but today I watched Oprah and she interviewed this women about weight loss and how it affects her life. It's not so much about the physical appearane but you feel that you also lose the "toxicity" in your life. I don't know how to put it in words but the change is inner and also exterior. Today one Allan's best friend who is my friend also posted a picture when I went to Keadah with him in February.tehre I tipped the scales to 61 kg. I saw that pic and realised how fat I was. When people around told me I'm fat that time, I don't believe.t. Now I see it. So for the first time I'm putting my pics to comparison.
I still have my fat days or fat pictures, but now I feel more confident. I began to start dressing more to my age. I learnt the art of accesorizing. I feel great.
Many people has been asking mef or tips. I loss weight through the hard way..heartbreak. But now, I just go gym n yoga. And yeah, I seldom eat out. Last time after class, usually will eat at the kopitiam. But now the classes are in the evning so very less and I want to jimat money so I always eat at home. I just hope this post inspires people and most importantly inspires ME.

March 08

( I can't fit into this jeans anymore, even with the help of belt..its too loose.. =)

October 2008

(last time if i wear this tee..its so freaking tight that i just don't wear it)

confession

Like all scorned lovers and jilted exes..what is the common thing they do in the age of technology? They go facebook snooping. I do that too occasionally. Don't mistake it for " still have feelings for that person" but for me I have the curiousity to see how they are doing right now. To see whether they have a new girl in life or not. I don't do it everyday, there are no fixed routine on when I check out my exes profile. Today like those days I felt like ex snooping, Allan(the latest ex) added a new profile pic. He's the usual self, smiling and making goofy faces to the camera. His status is still single and he no longer send those annoying hugs n kisses,coffee n cakes and all that crap to the girl he cheated me on. (Yes, I go as detail as that when snooping). He was wearing this really bright red shirt, the kinda red where you only would wear in chinese new year. He was at a temple somewhere with statues of Gods behind him. He was wearing the silver bangle which was crafted with Thai mantra for protection. He also still have a Thai locket clipped to his shirt. The usual accesories he must wear when he goes out. Some things never change.

But today,I've changed. Looking at the picture, as if God wanted to tell me God never intended him to be The One for me. He never accepted Jesus and now he has gone back to his ways. Well he never had gone back, he never left his ways in the first place. Having restored my faith in Jesus, seeing the pic is a stark reminder that he is not saved. How can I be equally yoked with him? I've learnt it the hard way. I was happy with him but sometimes when religion comes into play, I gave in, I even drank those chinese holy water knowing very well I'm not supposed too. I was like thinking what did I see in him now that the love is gone.( Love is gone by David Guetta is pumping in my head right now..lol). I had a liberating moment again. I'm another step in letting go. Maybe I did let go, but every step I take in the future will liberate me even further, find out more about myself.
The past is still the past. I took glances to the past through this facebook snooping activity. Thats about just facebook snooping. He looked happy, good for him. I'm sure his career is well on the way with his boss now as the President of MCA. I just pray that he will know Jesus someday and find salvation. Our paths may never cross again but I wish him well. Truly do.

trust

Has my parents really trust me? I went out clubbing with friends last night. They did not ask where and my mum saw me with my "clubbing" makeup..my mum was like "OMG, why my makeup like that" but she said it jokingly. I even asked for money and they gave. My frined came to pick me up, and they did not ask detailas about him.I came back round 3.30 am and the next day they did not even ask me where I go. My brother even ask me how was clubbing yesterday night. Today was as if I did not go out at all. All was good. It has been this way this past few months. I could just go out whenever I want and they are not asking questions. Sometimes they even gave me money.Normally boys have no problems right? But i'm a girl, I expected some nagging or what, but none. At first I thought if I go clubbing with my frens sure kena nag, but they din. If I go club with my sis lagilah they din say anything, summore ask me whether I'm coming back for the night? But I won't abuse this new found freedom. I must be responsible and use this freedom rightfully. I think they know I need friends now I'm single. They know I won;t do anything crazy so I'm blessed to have parents like them~

stay..pls

For the first time in weeks,I'm listening to mainstream mucis on my pc. usually..well..its trance..what else.
listening to estrella-stay..makes me miss him. reminds me of nights spent chatting n webcaming away. him serenading a song for me which he created for me. super sweet..till i melted. reminds me of us exchanging youtube links and comparing whose is better. me making stupid faces so he could smile. i miss him.. i even miss him lighting up his ciggy eventhough i told him smoking is bad.. it's been weeks since we chat. he's been sick and really busy. its been like that through the years. its funny how i would miss him dearly but i'm still able to live on mwith my life, knowing that he's here..just not all the time. it makes me feel independent.

you know who you are..you told me not to write your initial..but who else would i miss but you..koishiyeru ____ san

happy

I finally went to the library to do my land assignment. No doubt the lecturer asks to to do it in draft but when i was in the library I started referring to new textbooks and writing away. I spent 2 hours, reading and writing. I guess my mojo is back. However same cannot be said for my trust which I stuck halfway and just handed in nonetheless. I'm expecting red writings all over that assignment and that" look" by my lecturer. Well, I did what i could, definitely could have done better.
This week so far has been a good week for me. Despite some glitches that happened, I'm ok with it. I realised I handled it more maturely then I used too. I'm starting to compartmentalised those negative feelings and doing my own thing now. This week was also a week of "Ah Ha " moments for me. I learnt something about myself.It might be the little things but it made me happy and content.

why so serious?

Hihihi..kiki..huhu..haha

huuuu...in and out of love

The best clubbing experience ever. I don't have to fork out a single cent and still get a drink and a table. Danced the night away at podium.. Even took a photo with the trance DJ from Netherlands, Dj Nenes. I screamed out loud when my favourite song was played, well not entire song but a remix of it, nonethless it was AWESOME!!!! There were obvious influence by Armin and Tiesto. To top it all off, my sis and I went to the club dressed as JOKERs. Pics later. Keep you guys in suspend mode. Fun night. Next week another trance DJ is coming, John Digweed in Zouk. Love to go, hopefully get the chance la..now time to sleep and dream of tranceland~