I want to go Colbie's showcase!!

It's 2.30 in the morning. I'm turning into a nocturnal creature of the dark.

Went with college frens to steamboat at Sunway. All 13 of us chit chatting and eating till about 10.30 am. It was a fun bonding session and I've yet to upload the little pics I took(cuz we were to busy talking). It's about 74 days to D-day and I'm so under prepared. All those english cases I have to remember all with funny names..owino,clegg,diestchmann,ag for jersey v holley, goodfellow,bowering,dudley and stevens,bedder,camplin,cox v riley, chief constable of avon and somerset constabulary v shimmens and hundreds more and that is for criminal only. Let me not get started for judicial review for public law..those cases are super long ie R(sivasubramaniam) v Wandsworth County Court or Rv Disciplinary Commitee of The Jockey Club ex parte Aga khan,R v City Panel of Takeovers and Mergers ex parte Datafin Ltd. Sei lor..How now brown cow? How can I memorise all this cases?

The dinner I had was a nice distraction but went come back to my messy room with stacks of books and papers, my mind is clouded once again, encumbered by the thoughts of exams and upcoming revisions. How can I push myself? I used to have confidence on myself but lately I have low self esteem when it comes to studies. The main fact that I cannot memorise cases or principles scares me every minute. Arghh..Then when in tutorials especially criminal I feel lost. Why they can answer I can't? Am I being too critical? I cannot afford to fail, maybe that fear that makes me so stressed till I have breakouts on my skin.

I have yet too seen the Bear since the pembubaran Parlimen.I've spent my 3 weeeknds alone and another weekend alone again and just hope that I can see him after the elections. We are gonna be reaching our 4th Year anniversary this 22 nd March. 4 years already..seems like just a few months ago I've met him. Yes it's that 4 years ago on that week where Malaysia is facing the 11th elections. Well come to think of it, Thank God that the elctions are this week rather than on our anniversary. Today for the first time our phone call more than a minute. SErious these past weeks when I call him it goes like this:

The Bear: Hello( you can clearly hear that sometimes he's on the other phone or ppl talking to him)

Me: Hi, how r u? R u busy?

The Bear: I'm in a meeting/with boss/on the other phone/another incoming call/ppl waiting for me to start meeting/boss calling/ppl calling

Me: Ok,Love you

The Bear: Love u bye or just Hang up or just a bye

A short call and sometimes his msg will be sorry,I'm in a meeting, love u,good nite, take care etc..his msgs are so short, it's usually just one line..

but today we got through more than the mere few sentences, he's sick now, sore throat and been sleeping in the office for two weeks now, but still have to make it through this saturday which I'm sure gona be till after midnight and after the results which i'm sure gonna be good, he'll be out celebrating with colleagues and then his poor gf will be again home alone. I'm not feeling too bad about it now, but sometimes the loneliness sets in and hits you. Luckily i ahve friends who I can hang out so I won't feel so emo..

Ok, got to sleep now, tomorrow got Rabinder's class and I've yet to read his notes..will update again soon..

My view

I've been reading lots of elections ads. Most my friends wants to vote opposition. I'm in a torn position given that The Bear works for a BN candidate. If I'm a voter I will vote the BN candidate in Pandan Parliament and the opposition for ADUN because I see how The Bear works relentlessly for the MP in helping the community. All the late nights and constant pressure by his perfectionist boss, I can see his boss deserves an X for this elections. You see not all MPs are inefficient, I see first hand and even work in a campaign before and it fuels me to maybe, someday to become a politician.

I agree with opposition on the points made that we Malaysians need to vote for change. We all need change. Some may say why fix something is not broken?Take Malaysia as an urn, it already have cracks now and what the governemnt does now is to turn the cracks around so it is not visible. But it is indeed cracked and needs some fixing. How long more we need to ignore the cracks?Cracks on our petrol subsidy, cracks on our judiciary, cracks on our criminal process, cracks on our public safety, cracks on our public service, cracks on our education system and cracks on our development. You see we all look good on paper, on statistics but the reality is that we are not. Our universities are not on par and dropping and yet they boast that our education system is well developed to face globalisation. Our public safety are affected not because of the rallies and demostrations as per said but by the crimes that rapidly increasing. why crimes are increasing? Is it the uncontrollable surge of foreign workers or desperate people who cannot get employment or is it our police force is not doing enough? Our judiciary is under huge threats by the executive. Who is suppose to protect the citizens personal liberty than the courts?Now with the condition of the judiciary who is unable to protect us? Who should we rely to? It is now time to change, vote for a better nation. It is 50 years already. Ask yourself is the current governement doing enough for you? Are our rate of development on par with other countries who have been independent for 50 years or less? If we fall short of that par we need to change. We need a government to fix all the cracks and then move forward. What's the point of moving forward when we can't even fix the problems we are facing now? No point hiding the cracks, as chinese saying paper cannot withold a fire. How long more the government need to hide? They say we are united in one party then why the three parties? Isn't this like the dasar pecah perintah we so wanted to change for 50 years? This is another form of pecah perintah. So wake up!! Get to know who your are voting for..can they represent you? can they help you? Go check the previous BN manifesto and see if they achieved it..We are the new generation!!! We need a responsible government. Regardless who won we need sufficient checks on the government. We need to more freedom to voice out and more liberty and free of discrimination!!

This is my channel to voice out. Since I cannot vote so this is my attempt for change. For those who hold the voting power..use it wisely

I h8 weekends

I've been bumming last weekend. Tried to study but can't.Now I hate weekends cuz I feel even more alone. My parents are not at home most of the times in weekends and I'm left all alone. bumming around and watcing re runs of CSI on my pc. I miss him terriblely. During weekdays not so much because of classes but on weekends..OMG, the feeling is dreadful. When I call him it's less then a minute I get to talk to him. I havent's seen him for days now. It's really distracting me now..I need get my "mojo" back. The "mojo" to study relentlessly. Life sucks. If after elections he'll be like this, I don't know whether I can do this anymore. I wasted 3 fucking days emo-ing. I don't know what I want anymore...

ZZZzzz..

They say babies bring happiness to a home. I believe it's true. My mom started babysitting again and this time is a cute tiny 7-week baby boy. He' so tiny and smiles at you when you touch his nose and smile to him. aww so cute..so tiny and perfect..Just another excuse for me to go see him and NOT study!! Seriously I cannot sit still to study and i have this urge to go see the baby every five minutes. Or maybe because it's CLR (common law reasoning aka english legal system) subject..It's the ultimate insomnia-killer subject ever. When you read through a paragraph you can feel the sleepiness creeping through and suddenly the bed look so ever tempting..I'm yawning already as this moment and the effect does not go away..

I Pray to You Dear Lord, Give me the strength for me to study CLR and other subjects.Please keep the evil sleepiness from me O Lord. Please also guide me in understanding the passages of Law and it will committ to my memory.I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me O lord. I need your help..In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Rantings

Does the essay read out by Miss Meera send shivers down my spine ? The content of the essay:not at all.. the only shiver I get is that I did not do the assignment. I admit I cannot write as GREAT as her because eventhough I'm guilty of copying books I won't do it word by word. Miss Meera said she is great in picking the right parts. Maybe I'm just jealous? Anyways I need to be kiasu bitch and do better now. Wanna go study already *ties the ganbate headgear on my head*. BTW, I cannot regurgitate out word by word text except the quotations from the judges. guess I have to start memorizing now and tomorrow I'm gonna purchase my trustee Brands Chicken Essence and that incident spoils my mood that now I need some hot juicy gossip at Perez to make me feel better. Not even the smell of statute books can relieve me now..See I'm bipolar like Britney, maybe i should now drive erratically(oh yeah I did it today), run to starbucks ,petrol stations and show my va-jay jay when stepping out the car.wtf..I'm so pissed!!!

As random as it can be..

I'm in a cheery mood today. Probably I have bipolar disorders that make me happy one minute and emo the next? Anyways, today was a good day it hink maybe cause I had enough sleep and I don't feel that lethargic anymore. Made myself dinner these two days and my cooking skills is improving like when you play The Sims and your Sim is cooking and it would have a blue bar on it's head increasing everytime you cook. Well that is how I felt and I actually felt good that I learn something new. I always cook, just that this time is chinese cooking which I'm not really good at. i usually cook for myself the usual pasta but I decided somethingnew and it actually turned out great....

My cheery mood is not because of The Bear because I still have not seen him these past few days and yesterday I think pecah rekod cause he did not call me. I did not even realise till after midnight whenI received his message. Well I'm not feeling bad or sad bout it, I'm adapting. It's getting better eventhough I don't hear his voice or see him now. But I called him today and said I need a new handphone. Contrary to my previous post saying that I don't need one, I retract back the statement because my phone's speaker is spoilt. I thought it can survive a couple more months but now the sound cracks more frequently. So now i'm browsing for a new one and he ask me to go and buy one and he'll pay me back. Come to think of it, I don't have time to go searching for one, even if I have, who 's gonna teman me? I can't go alone, scared kena ripped. I need to drag someone with a "bargaining" mouth..I just do not have the bargaining and the caveat emptor factor(let the buyer beware-i'm the type of person who'll just pay and go) in my bones. Paiseh I guess..

Oh yeah I thought I can be independent la in managing the house last weekend since my parents went to Singapore turns out I almost starve my mom's fishes to death, almost killed her plants and forgot to bring in the mail. I did not feed the fishes for two days, thank god they did not turn upside down. I also totally forgot to water the plants and bring in the mail. My father came back last night and the moment he walked in , he noticed the plants are de-hydrated. He even saw it at night with no lights on, talk about a keen eye. My brother is in the house this weekend but he is obsolete and if I'm not here I think he would not even take out the garbage..

Tomorrow a brand new day. I'm still thinking whether should i go gym tomorrow after class. I'm driving tomorrow so it's a big thing cause I never drove to the gym before..It's been so long I did go to the gym eventhough i'm sitll apying every month.Revision time table came out, I think we should just camp there cuz classes for 7 days a week and there is a lecturer called Ken Oliphant with the last name as Tim Oliphant in Die Hard 4.0 and Hitman. Hope he is hot or maybe he is just another older matured British man. White, male, Oxbridge and public schooled?? Typical English academician?

Enough yapping, I think I need to smell my new statute books. Love the smell of new books...toodles~
p/s Bobo Blows..have you seent the "hawt" pics? I think bikini wax is overrated...

Emo post again..

Am I'm too pampered? The Bear asks me what I want for Chinese New Year(he always buys me big gifts on CNY rather on v-day). We both are practical people,realists. We spend hours last few weeks thinking about what I need. I have a car, a well-upgraded pc, diamond ring,digital camera,mp3 player..hmm..pretty much all i need now. I'm sure some of you have it all now but this all The Bear bought for me and more these pass 3 something years. He wanted to buy me awatch but I seldom wear a watch, he wanted to buy me a handphone, but I don't need a handhpone now, he wanted to buy me a laptop, but I don't need it right now,plus I'm already having touble organising my files in my pc now..imagine the confusion I bring to myself if I have a laptop.What do I really want?? Retail therapy? I don't think that is going to make me happy. I think all i want is time with The Bear, it seems like no matter how many things he bought for me, all i want is to share with him. What good is retail therapy if he isn't there? What good is a handphone is he won't be able to talk me ?What good is a laptop if he won't ave time to do his OCD thing on it? He promise that after these crucial weeks he'll have time for me, I doubt it, after the elections, he'll be more busy. Even when we went back to Kedah n Langkawi, he's bombarded with calls. We did have fun, but I couldn't even talk to him now. I've been to dependent on him, we used to see each other everyday,suddenly he don't have time anymore. I don't blame him, but it is hard on me not having to hear his voice. I'm not an independent person in a relationship,always,I always need someone. taht's why I cannot do long distance,I tried it before but inevitably failed. I really admire people who can do that. I salute them,how do they contain they feelings and not be able to communicate? I need to be strong,stronger for these few days where my house is empty and I'm all alone...