erm
I wish I can lie in a field under a big tree and listen to the music. I can't play any musical instrument but people who do, play with their heart. The melody transcripts from their heart. I don't know how to describe a song but the emotions of the maker really hits you. When someone dedicate a song to you, it's deeper than that. Speechless, no words to describe it somehow. Music heals my soul.
percussions
Our taste in music is so similar. I've been listening to a song on the radio and loved it but yet to know who sang it. Then he send me a link telling me I would like the band. It's a local indie band caled Estrella and one of their songs is the song I've been wanting to download but yet to find out who sang it. Coincidence? I don't know, he's just knows my taste in music very well, from bossa nova, lounge,chill out music, trance. Maybe it's just pure coincidence. Music is very improtant to me and he hit the nail on that part. ;)
bac 4 life?
I've been listening to trance more often that not. Tiesto,Armin, Frank Korsten,Shapeshifters etc. Something about the euphoric climax and cool beats really suits my mood. Holidays have started. It does not make much difference cause honestly, despite the clsses that have been going on, I'm still in the holiday mood.
On friday, college mates and i went out to chill and drink. We went to Chilli's for the Margaritas and just drink and chat. Then we headed to Tmn Desa to sober up over a teh tarik. Even with only 4 of us, it's fun. Purely social time where we can just talk about everything and have some great laughs. I always long for this kinda outing, when I was with Allan, I seldom go out with friends and I miss that.
Funny thing happen at Chilli's, we sat and ordered drinks and the waitress actually wanted to check our IC. OMFG!!! it's OMFG in a funny way...do I look under 18? I take it as a compliment. We all laughed and joked with the waitress of wanting to take the shaker back home and laughed at our IC pics.
Weekends are easier for me now. I scared I'm gonna be emo this weekend adding to the fact my parents went to Singapore. So i'll be alone in the house and would risk being emo. But to my suprise I'm fine. Friday night I came back around 1 something and slept till 12 pm the next day. I did my laundry and cleaned the interiirs of my car and watched several series. Took a nap and my sister came for dinner. We went to Jalan TAR to ger her baju kebaya and we ate there also. Then we dropped by the pasar malam and bought henna. (OMG which reminds me I got tau foo fah in the fridge from yesterday) It was on impulse when my sister and I spotted and Indian stall and looked around and we saw the henna. She said she wants to do. I'm like ok..just do la..We bought 3 tubes of henna and she drew on both of my hands and legs. Pics soon...Then this morning was church and dimsum in the afternoon. So now I'm here, blogging and not being emo.brownie points for me..yay!!
Plan to go gym later but super phobia about traffic jams and finding for parking so I think I'll take a raincheck.
# 1 Presidente Margarita
#2 Not tipsy at all
#3 Us
On friday, college mates and i went out to chill and drink. We went to Chilli's for the Margaritas and just drink and chat. Then we headed to Tmn Desa to sober up over a teh tarik. Even with only 4 of us, it's fun. Purely social time where we can just talk about everything and have some great laughs. I always long for this kinda outing, when I was with Allan, I seldom go out with friends and I miss that.
Funny thing happen at Chilli's, we sat and ordered drinks and the waitress actually wanted to check our IC. OMFG!!! it's OMFG in a funny way...do I look under 18? I take it as a compliment. We all laughed and joked with the waitress of wanting to take the shaker back home and laughed at our IC pics.
Weekends are easier for me now. I scared I'm gonna be emo this weekend adding to the fact my parents went to Singapore. So i'll be alone in the house and would risk being emo. But to my suprise I'm fine. Friday night I came back around 1 something and slept till 12 pm the next day. I did my laundry and cleaned the interiirs of my car and watched several series. Took a nap and my sister came for dinner. We went to Jalan TAR to ger her baju kebaya and we ate there also. Then we dropped by the pasar malam and bought henna. (OMG which reminds me I got tau foo fah in the fridge from yesterday) It was on impulse when my sister and I spotted and Indian stall and looked around and we saw the henna. She said she wants to do. I'm like ok..just do la..We bought 3 tubes of henna and she drew on both of my hands and legs. Pics soon...Then this morning was church and dimsum in the afternoon. So now I'm here, blogging and not being emo.brownie points for me..yay!!
Plan to go gym later but super phobia about traffic jams and finding for parking so I think I'll take a raincheck.
That's about it. My weekend so far. K has gone back. Have to start living my life back again bu tthank him also for chatting with me yesterday night.
# 1 Presidente Margarita
#2 Not tipsy at all
#3 Us
even when it's going wrong
he msn me first thing when he came back. so sweet...not yet mandi and all.turn on the pc and msn me. i feel so comforted. try listening the youtube video..this song is euphoric..trance forever..aishiteru k...aishiteru...
its cliche..but its this kinda conversation that melts me sometimes
me:how many cigarettes alredi today?
me:u always like to tipu me wan. be honest how many?
k:20
me: u dun scare die early meh
k: no
k:i scared i die for nothing
me:so u die for ?
k:for u
me:for me?
k:yea
me:like how?
k:dont know. like if u die i die
me:wow
me:wah so titanic like..
its cliche..but its this kinda conversation that melts me sometimes
me:how many cigarettes alredi today?
me:u always like to tipu me wan. be honest how many?
k:20
me: u dun scare die early meh
k: no
k:i scared i die for nothing
me:so u die for ?
k:for u
me:for me?
k:yea
me:like how?
k:dont know. like if u die i die
me:wow
me:wah so titanic like..
going wrong
He called me at 11.41 pm. His flight is at 1.15 am. I can't sleep. I constantly refresh the KLIA flight directory. It's now on final call. I want to see it departed so I can sleep. I miss him. I miss him teasing me while I'm driving and pinch my cheek everytime I swear on other road users. He will somtimes suddenly stroke my hair and steal glances at me while I'm not looking. We always been communicating via msn for years. the last time i saw him in kl was 7 years..yea that long..cuz i was with someone that time. now being with him this past month...he made me feel alive again after my breah up with allan. we can't be together. it's impossible. but he still cares. he keep saying he loves me since we met when i was in form 3. 7 years..7 long years he still cares. makes me even more emo was that he text me these past few days saying he wants me to be happy for the next two years. i'm gonna miss him dearly. listening to trance by armin van burren is not making it easier for me. something about the song makes me feel emo..makes me miss him more..i hope for a better day tomorrow...nite~
summer
Gossip Girl: They say summer love is fleeting. But sometimes what starts as a fling, can lead to the real thing. A simple trip to the beach can be all it takes to clear our heads and open our heads, and write a new ending to an old story. There are those who got burned by the heat. They just want to forget and start over. While there are others who want each moment to last forever. But everyone can agreed on one thing - tans fade, highlights go dark, and we all get sick of getting sand in our shoes. But summer is the beginning of a new season, so we find ourselves looking to the future. You ain't seen nothin' yet. XOXO, Gossip Girl
He's leaving..on the plane back to Japan. For me it's like a real thing. Emoness..
He's leaving..on the plane back to Japan. For me it's like a real thing. Emoness..
motion city
I met him briefly just now. For the last time. I drove back with a heavy heart. I felt sorry cause I promised to buy something for him..something for each other but I didn't.He said it's ok, he's not mad cause he knows I'm like this..procastinate and end up not doing it. But he bought a cute butterfly clip for me and said it will look good on me. I love it. Thanks K. We sat in the car for 15 mins or so. Just feeling each other presence.not maksiat or whatever but jsut savouring the remainder time we have. short but meaningful.
400 days
Me: Ohio
K:Ohio
Me:Why you put ur caption on ur msn 4 days?
K:I need to remind myself
Me: I don't like. I know it's 4 days. You don't have to remind me..
Hours later I online and saw
K-400 days
Things like this make me smile.
K:Ohio
Me:Why you put ur caption on ur msn 4 days?
K:I need to remind myself
Me: I don't like. I know it's 4 days. You don't have to remind me..
Hours later I online and saw
K-400 days
Things like this make me smile.
mental gymnastics
Today was absolutely mentally draining. It was Land Law lecture by Rabinder for 5 hours. It was better than last week in the sense it was not boring. Today's lecture was complicated so you have to really focus and listen to him. After the 5 hour intese mental gymnastics as he called it, I was super tired. I didn't join my college firends for dinner and went straight home. While driving I was starting to feel sleepy cause my mind was really exhausted. then went dinner with parents and to Jusco. Vincci had a sale and I bought a pair of wedges that were 20% off. It was display unit but I could not wait and I could not see any major defects so I bought it knowing well I'm super broke this months. But how could I resist? I had been eyeing that pair of wedges for so long and it's on sale...
Came back and watched Sex and the city movie.I've never watched the series before but roughly know the characters. I cried when Carrie broke up and even cried when Mr Big bought her the house and renovated her closet. I cried through the movie cause it reminded so much of my breakup. It's the feeling that you connect to Carrie and you understand that moment, that heartbreak..it's so real...
Anyways, tomorrow I'm going to church and then church dinner at night. My dad has taken the box from my room and books are lying everywhere. I'm so not in the mood to sort them out eventhought I constantly tell myself after every class to start studying.
Yesterday night I went out. I had a great time eating at a quaint little place and drinking with K and his friends. Been sometime since go out and yumcha like that even with new friends, suprisingly got lots to talk about.
That's about it for today. Tomorrow's a new day. Hoping for great one
K,
Yesterday night was great cuz you were there. Few more days left. I'm gonna miss you dearly. Sometimes I just want to see you everyday but I know I'm gonna miss you even more after I do. It's kinda love-hate relationship going on whether to see you or not? All I want to say, you made me feel special and after all I done, you are still here with me. Thank you...
Aricia~
Came back and watched Sex and the city movie.I've never watched the series before but roughly know the characters. I cried when Carrie broke up and even cried when Mr Big bought her the house and renovated her closet. I cried through the movie cause it reminded so much of my breakup. It's the feeling that you connect to Carrie and you understand that moment, that heartbreak..it's so real...
Anyways, tomorrow I'm going to church and then church dinner at night. My dad has taken the box from my room and books are lying everywhere. I'm so not in the mood to sort them out eventhought I constantly tell myself after every class to start studying.
Yesterday night I went out. I had a great time eating at a quaint little place and drinking with K and his friends. Been sometime since go out and yumcha like that even with new friends, suprisingly got lots to talk about.
That's about it for today. Tomorrow's a new day. Hoping for great one
K,
Yesterday night was great cuz you were there. Few more days left. I'm gonna miss you dearly. Sometimes I just want to see you everyday but I know I'm gonna miss you even more after I do. It's kinda love-hate relationship going on whether to see you or not? All I want to say, you made me feel special and after all I done, you are still here with me. Thank you...
Aricia~
of gossip girls and my yoga
Today was pretty much unproductive. Since I started working, I've been eating more. I lost control of food portion and my gym hours are not consistent. But i'ts the first week of class and I think I'm still adapting. Turns out i can still be able to go for yoga twice a week. I went to the Yoga class today and it was quite good. Intense. but as oppose to Thursday's calss there is no meditation in the first 10 minutes just some basic stretching.However since i got to strecth and sweat I don't mind.You know you had a good yoga class when you come out of the class feeling so much better and happy. Yeah, happy. I don't know how to explain the feeling but it's a great feeling. So now I'm gonna make it a routine to go class on Wed and Thurs. I think I would join more classes such as dance or aerobics. I feel I get more from a one hour class as oppose from doing my usual cardio and weights.
I've yet to make my room study friendly. I've not organized my books and take out some of my bro's previous notes. You see here's the problem. I have this huge box with all the law books from intermediate and my bro's law books. Behind the box I have this feeling there is a lizard hiding behind there. It's not a phobia cause I've seen the bloody lizard before and I have this phobia for lizards. I always tell myself once my Dad comes back from work, I'll do it..but the bad habit of me is always procastinating. I'm contemplating of buying a book on Land Law recommended by Rabinder. I think I'll jsut make that decison next week or next month after I go through several of Land Law classes.
Well this post is pretty much mundane. No emo stories. I still think of Allan. but its just a mere memory cause if I'm with him I won't be able to do so much. And yeah with N, I totally moved on.
K, if you're reading this..just want to clarify I don't miss N ok? just a mere memory. I can't totally forget a person but trust me, I have no feelings towards him whatsoever.
That's about it. Its 3.30 am. I just finished folding my clothes while watching Don't mess with the Zohan and gossip girl. The Zohan was funny but is super super dumb. Dumb movie, the movies which I donwloaded cause I won't pay for it to watch it in the cinema.
Gossip Girl for me has lost a bit charm for me. The notion of Nathaniel's state right now it's not appealing. What happen to that golden boy and that bitch Katherine??II Oh my effin God!! Serena and Dan breaking up. I mean they are so perfect for each other, is it so hard to just look past the issues. I mean they are not really issues in the first place. One thing that keeps from wanting more from gossip girl is Blair and Chuck. And also Marcus Beeton. Marcus is so charming and not fit for Blair. I shouted when Chuck made out with Blair and the drama at the staircase.I can't believe he kissed her after he saw Chuck and Blair. That moment was the gossip girl moment I've been waiting for. Juicy and scandalous and so sinful for us to watch. That's the GG essence right there...
# 2 He's got an accent and he's hot..someone get me a fan in here
I've yet to make my room study friendly. I've not organized my books and take out some of my bro's previous notes. You see here's the problem. I have this huge box with all the law books from intermediate and my bro's law books. Behind the box I have this feeling there is a lizard hiding behind there. It's not a phobia cause I've seen the bloody lizard before and I have this phobia for lizards. I always tell myself once my Dad comes back from work, I'll do it..but the bad habit of me is always procastinating. I'm contemplating of buying a book on Land Law recommended by Rabinder. I think I'll jsut make that decison next week or next month after I go through several of Land Law classes.
Well this post is pretty much mundane. No emo stories. I still think of Allan. but its just a mere memory cause if I'm with him I won't be able to do so much. And yeah with N, I totally moved on.
K, if you're reading this..just want to clarify I don't miss N ok? just a mere memory. I can't totally forget a person but trust me, I have no feelings towards him whatsoever.
That's about it. Its 3.30 am. I just finished folding my clothes while watching Don't mess with the Zohan and gossip girl. The Zohan was funny but is super super dumb. Dumb movie, the movies which I donwloaded cause I won't pay for it to watch it in the cinema.
Gossip Girl for me has lost a bit charm for me. The notion of Nathaniel's state right now it's not appealing. What happen to that golden boy and that bitch Katherine??II Oh my effin God!! Serena and Dan breaking up. I mean they are so perfect for each other, is it so hard to just look past the issues. I mean they are not really issues in the first place. One thing that keeps from wanting more from gossip girl is Blair and Chuck. And also Marcus Beeton. Marcus is so charming and not fit for Blair. I shouted when Chuck made out with Blair and the drama at the staircase.I can't believe he kissed her after he saw Chuck and Blair. That moment was the gossip girl moment I've been waiting for. Juicy and scandalous and so sinful for us to watch. That's the GG essence right there...
# 1 * GASP*
Blair: Marcus wait!
Marcus: Did you really not know it was him? Can you honestly tell me that?
Blair: I knew it was him.
Marcus: Thank you.
Blair: But I want you!
Marcus: No Blair. You want my title. The idea of who I am. But you clearly want him. Which makes me a fool. Because I really did want you. I DO want you.
Blair: Then show me! I'm not some delicate little flower. Show me
# 2 He's got an accent and he's hot..someone get me a fan in here
=P
Something came into my mind.
TUN ABDUL RAHMAN-BAPA KEMERDEKAAN
TUN ABDUL RAZAK-BAPA PEMBANGUNAN
TUN HUSSEIN ONN-BAPA PERPADUAN
TUN MAHATHIR MOHAMMAD-BAPA PEMODENAN
ABDULLAH BADAWI-BAPA ???
A) BAPA TIDAK APA
B)BAPA TSUNAMI
C)BAPA MERTUA KHAIRY
angry
I'm very irritated by some people in my class. I wanted to rant it all out but I'm sure it's gonna be a topic soon if I blogged about it. I wanted to so much to jsut ask them to just shut the fuck up and focus. I'm talking not bout people talking in the class cause when the lecturer is teaching we are all quiet. Suddenly in Part 1 we are more serious..maybe the first few days. But those I really detest are those who think they are so fucking cool. Making crude and sacarstic comment and they think they are smart for voicing out those comments.
Eh..Hello..I have no time for those silly, immature remarks ok? I come to class to fucking study. I may be loud but during class please respect each other. You want to act smart do it with your own friends. Tak lalu....
Oh yeah not withstanding people who are late. It's always those same faces. Every single time...would it kill to be in class 5 minutes earlier?When you're a late you come in and it's distracting, the sound of the door and you schooching away to your seats. always the same fucking faces..
I'm in such a pissy mood , it's not funny. If everytime I go class and see and hear those people that irritating I'll go crazy.
herbal
I'm trying to take care of my face. Been neglecting it for so long. I went facial the other day but before that i'm starting to use herbal products and I'm starting to see the results. My sister is using himalaya product range and I'm starting to use it too. I absolutely love the facial wash and toner. I stayed at my sis place occasionally and use the facial wash containing citron and honey which I feel is so gentle to my face. Unfortunately I'm still using Simple exfoliating facial wash now and wants to change buy my sis forbid me to buy from KL the products saying it's too expensive and she'll purhcase from India itself.
I jsut feel like blogging about my beauty regime. I'm currently using the Gentle Refreshing toner and Elianto Aloe Vera Moisturizer. My face is prone to pimples cuz I sweat a lot and it always leaves behind scars. When I first use Elianto's moisturizer I see the results and usually I use with the Aloe Vera toner as well. But now with Himalaya toner its even better. I discovered using herbal products really works, slower but you can fee the difference. It's more gentle to your skin and the smell is refreshing and natural.
I'm even taking supplements by Himalaya. I'm taking Ayurslim, herbal capsules to help lose weight and it works. It does not have side effects and the toilet emergencies after you eat. It's subtle, you just don't feel eating as much. Maybe because I go yoga and cardio, it works even better. Overall I lost 6-7 kg after my breakup. 4-5 from post traumatic experience and 2 from gym. I'm feeling healthier now. but now a bit sluggish cause I skipped gym for a week now.
I want to start taking of my health. I'm hearing news of cancer befalling to my relatives. Thus my mom bought health insurance for me and I'm starting to eat more healthily.Exercising more especially. I'm not scared of death. I have so many things to be do, so much to experience.
wah such a different view compare to previous post. That's just me. moods fluctuate.
am I?
It's a usnday. Never like sunday evenings...very boring and pointless sumtimes. Today i went Rabinder's Trust class cause the alternative class is on Sept 16 and my mum ask me to go on Sunday. But Iw ant to go to Puvanes's class on Tuesday cause I want to try to synchronize botht thier lectures. I'll be going to Rabinder's class on alternative Sundays. Trust is better than Land but Rabinder said Trust has the highest casualty rates. I've yet to clean my room. So not study friendly.
A friend told me "If you cannot find a bf/gf after part 2..or final year of studies, you might just end up being single" Hmm..that's deep shit. Seems everyone has a partner in thier life and it made me feel insecure at times. Allan did cheated on me but partly is also my fault. ahh..fuck it la..I'm sure God will always guide me and provide me when the time is right and I'm sure he will be even better. I read numerous articles and the line the rule of thumb is that don't have the mentality that "If I lost weight, I'll be happy or If I found someone I'll be happy" No matter how much Iw ant to be that person who is truly happy I'm still weak. Longing for people to care. I mean who doesn't. I have so much going for me but yet I'm not truly happy at times. i want to be happy. Truly truly happy about myself. I'm not emo. Well may a lil..
A friend told me "If you cannot find a bf/gf after part 2..or final year of studies, you might just end up being single" Hmm..that's deep shit. Seems everyone has a partner in thier life and it made me feel insecure at times. Allan did cheated on me but partly is also my fault. ahh..fuck it la..I'm sure God will always guide me and provide me when the time is right and I'm sure he will be even better. I read numerous articles and the line the rule of thumb is that don't have the mentality that "If I lost weight, I'll be happy or If I found someone I'll be happy" No matter how much Iw ant to be that person who is truly happy I'm still weak. Longing for people to care. I mean who doesn't. I have so much going for me but yet I'm not truly happy at times. i want to be happy. Truly truly happy about myself. I'm not emo. Well may a lil..
disgusted
I'm appalled ans shocked by the latest ISA detention. Why would the government remove the ban on Malaysia Today and detain RP soon after? Why do they detain TK after they have shown the petition? Is Malaysia has no more freedom? I'm clearly disgusted and thinking that what it takes to be a Malaysian. A brainwashed citizen like in North Korea that worships that dear leader at all costs? Or does a definition of a Malaysian is to be brave to speak up? Clearly the gov wants us to be brainwashed in the notion to maintain peace. But since March who is the one overeacting? I'm sick of all this political drama. Coming from a young Malaysian who aspires to venture into politics, what kinda example are the government showing to the nation. This is a new form of penjajahan not by foreign powers but by our own kind. Menjajah our minds and actions which is the most despicable penjajahan ever. After 51 years we came back to square one. Racial sentiments are still played, dasar pecah perintah still is being enforced..so what difference are we independent or not? DEep down we haven't merdeka one bit.
whom it may concern
Dear K,
I dunno how to say this. I miss N cause I miss his companionship. You always knew that I was weak. I'm sorry I have hurt you. You 'll be leaving in 2 weeks and I hope we can just make the best out of it. I'm sitll learning to be strong. This past few days you were in my mind despite what i blogged bout N.That's y I called and texted. I'm a horrible person. I know I am. I just hope you can forgive me cause I want to see you. I want to see face to face instead throught the webcam. You'll be going soon. Maybe back in J you wun even want to chat with me anymore cause u r busy. I'm sorry. its all I could say. Just wish truly you can accept my apology. I'm sorry
I dunno how to say this. I miss N cause I miss his companionship. You always knew that I was weak. I'm sorry I have hurt you. You 'll be leaving in 2 weeks and I hope we can just make the best out of it. I'm sitll learning to be strong. This past few days you were in my mind despite what i blogged bout N.That's y I called and texted. I'm a horrible person. I know I am. I just hope you can forgive me cause I want to see you. I want to see face to face instead throught the webcam. You'll be going soon. Maybe back in J you wun even want to chat with me anymore cause u r busy. I'm sorry. its all I could say. Just wish truly you can accept my apology. I'm sorry
no fear
I feel fat. I din go gym for four days liao. I went to stay at my sis place and follow her to her frens place where they buka puasa together. they cook and jsut chill ou. so I went buka puasa with them for 3 days in a row. so of course I ate a lot and gain weight. so tomorrow i will go to the gym n cardio once again. bought lots of new clothes that day with my sis for a fresh new look for classes. yes..part 1 ..scary..the subjects are super hard i think..land and trust...i got the books but havent read yet.
i had a dream yesterday. it felt so real. but i miss N..i dunno y..we havent spoken since friday i think. i jsut hope time flies by so i wud never ever think of him anymore.
i dunno when class starts, how wud i feel. aside from classes i gonna have more time alone. will i still be emo? i need to keep myself busy. i need to re-invent myself.
i had a dream yesterday. it felt so real. but i miss N..i dunno y..we havent spoken since friday i think. i jsut hope time flies by so i wud never ever think of him anymore.
i dunno when class starts, how wud i feel. aside from classes i gonna have more time alone. will i still be emo? i need to keep myself busy. i need to re-invent myself.
photo Tag..
div>) Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation.
b) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you've finished answering every question.
1) the age you'll be on your next birthday:
2) a place you'd like to travel to:
3) your favourite place: The bed
4) your favourite food: Pasta Aglio Olio
5) your favourite pet:
6) your favourite colour combination:
7) your favourite piece of clothing:
8) your favourite song: Lisa Ono-Nada Mais Lately
Luciana Souza-Never die young
and 13 G more of music in my pc9) your favourite tv show: If you don't know this show..i'm speechless
10) first name of your significant other/crush:
11) the town in which you live:
12: your screen name/nickname:
13) your first job: Waitress
14) your dream job: Criminal pyschologist
15) a bad habit you have: Self pity
16) your worst fear: Loneliness
Homeless
17) the thing you'd like to do before you die: Serve in Africa
random n not so emo
I'm trying my best to not be emo. but i dun like sunday evenings. i've been accustomed to have plans for weekends and no plans just sucks. i try my best to spend time with family, watching astro and all but it jsut does feel the void in my heart.i miss my sis. being with her really make me forget bout all those sucky emo stuff. one more day. i need to hold on for one more day. tomorrow i'm gonna get down and dirty with the complicating construction file i promised to help my boss with. then it will be hopefully be late nights suppers n shopping. then start with classes and hopefully wun have time for all this shit.
sigh i hate holidays and have no plans. i'm thinking and hope to go somewhere for the hari raya. i need to something drastic. funny how N can make so fucking emo. when weeks he did not called the second time, i'm slowly getting back my life. now i'm sucked back to the same emo tunnel.
over and over again i tell myself give it all to Him.
today i went to church and the sermon really hit me. I forgive you N. forgive you for you do not what you are doing. forgive you for offending me. I forgive you Allan. I forgive you for you know what you're doing. and I sincerely pray that both of you will be able to look to Him. Come back to Him. I have and I feel great that Jesus is constantly there for me every single time without fail. It's time for me to give something abck to him which is to walk in His ways. There was this line in today's worship I need to hold it dear "You're the greatest love of my life". Only god's love is unconditional. I need to hold on to that.
Looking back and i came so far. Why do i have to stop now? N is not worth it. and if by any chance he's reading this. I don't love you ok? It's just you gave me hope that this might work for a period of time and ur actions justify otherwise and robbed me of that hope. It's my fault to put that hope but you who gave me so much promises that me being a weak person believed in it. *A huge sigh*
Well on more sunshiney news GOSSIP GIRL is back. hotter than ever. the first episode is not that exciting but seeing the cast back is as good as ever. all of them look hotter than ever. absotulely love Blair and her cute hairbands and Serena's grecian dress in the White Party. Chuck Bass..I'm so in love with him. he's so cute in that straw fedora type of hat at the beach. and his lines are just the best ie"I'm in the mood to be right". Phew..so hawt!!..I wish Blair and Chuck wud just be together. they are like the power couple..so in love with Gossip girl...i'm currently downloading 90210 just to give it a try. not too fond of it from my first impression of the previews and all that.
pretty much thats it..nothing much for me. went to church..lunch with bro then tea time with parents then lounge at home watching AFC. bored. mundane.uneventful
sigh i hate holidays and have no plans. i'm thinking and hope to go somewhere for the hari raya. i need to something drastic. funny how N can make so fucking emo. when weeks he did not called the second time, i'm slowly getting back my life. now i'm sucked back to the same emo tunnel.
over and over again i tell myself give it all to Him.
today i went to church and the sermon really hit me. I forgive you N. forgive you for you do not what you are doing. forgive you for offending me. I forgive you Allan. I forgive you for you know what you're doing. and I sincerely pray that both of you will be able to look to Him. Come back to Him. I have and I feel great that Jesus is constantly there for me every single time without fail. It's time for me to give something abck to him which is to walk in His ways. There was this line in today's worship I need to hold it dear "You're the greatest love of my life". Only god's love is unconditional. I need to hold on to that.
Looking back and i came so far. Why do i have to stop now? N is not worth it. and if by any chance he's reading this. I don't love you ok? It's just you gave me hope that this might work for a period of time and ur actions justify otherwise and robbed me of that hope. It's my fault to put that hope but you who gave me so much promises that me being a weak person believed in it. *A huge sigh*
Well on more sunshiney news GOSSIP GIRL is back. hotter than ever. the first episode is not that exciting but seeing the cast back is as good as ever. all of them look hotter than ever. absotulely love Blair and her cute hairbands and Serena's grecian dress in the White Party. Chuck Bass..I'm so in love with him. he's so cute in that straw fedora type of hat at the beach. and his lines are just the best ie"I'm in the mood to be right". Phew..so hawt!!..I wish Blair and Chuck wud just be together. they are like the power couple..so in love with Gossip girl...i'm currently downloading 90210 just to give it a try. not too fond of it from my first impression of the previews and all that.
pretty much thats it..nothing much for me. went to church..lunch with bro then tea time with parents then lounge at home watching AFC. bored. mundane.uneventful
# 1 always wanted to this kinda poses
me n my brother
yes i'm an ass
seeing my phone and not expecting N's call is kinda good. when we were "in a relationship" i always expect a missed call or something but usually there was none. so it alwasy leaves me hanging. i mean i'm not clingy but if u are in a relationship..u kinda expect some calls or texts. since i usually get none so i knew there was something wrong. he's just not into me. period. as emo as i am.. i need to move on. not expecting someone to call is comforting..liberating at times. as if something has released.
mon i have to go to work one last time. then hopefully i can overnite at my sis place for a few days till the 13th so i can start class n stop. i msn with my sis and she told me this:
mon i have to go to work one last time. then hopefully i can overnite at my sis place for a few days till the 13th so i can start class n stop. i msn with my sis and she told me this:
he just want ur company, ass
which is so so true and the word ass written at the end hit me in the head. i am ass. i give you that. an ass in trusting someone. i never blame my sis to say i'm an ass. she's given me the soft treatment..which does not seem to work now she giving me the cold hard treatment to wake me up from my stupidity.
chasing shadows
i'm doing better, i think.. i dunno. yes i did called. at least it made feel better that we are at least frens in a way. in a weird way.
i'm waiting for my sis to come back from NY. i need the late nights at her place. i need to forget all this emo stuff and with her i can do that. need to go shopping for a new makeover.
i'm waiting for my sis to come back from NY. i need the late nights at her place. i need to forget all this emo stuff and with her i can do that. need to go shopping for a new makeover.
SOS
You don't find love, love finds you.
I'm feeling numb. I brought all these to myself. AHHHHHH!!! I'm back to square one after all this shit. I need help.
sigh
broke up with N. it sucks. the pain. not exactly pain as in i broke up with allan.but fucking hurts anyways
sos
I gave N an utltimatum. I think we both started out on the wrong foot and can't synchronize it no matter what. This is it. the bottom line. I'm seriously done doubting and wasting my time and energy for someone who can't appreciate. Another chapter closed and new chapter has begun...things seem great but it comes back to square one. i'm hanging in the towel. so so done with this shit.
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