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Blog melayu pertama

Tiba-tiba saya terasa bahawa tahap bahasa kebangsaan saya sudah menurun. Jadi, sya membuat keputusan untuk memblog dalam Bahasa Melayu sambil mendengar lagu Indon. Saya berasa emo pada setiap hari Ahad, entah kenapa. Mungkin hari Ahad adalah hari saya terlibat dalam drama hidup. Saya sudah tidak mencintainya lagi dan sedang berusaha membina hidup saya kembali. Peperikisaan kian hampir dan saya masih tidak belajar bersungguh-sungguh tetapi mengira hari sehingga habis peperiksaan. Ada banyak perkara hendak dilakukan dan saya sudah tidak sabar menunggu harinya. Ada harinya yang saya tidak percaya saya sudah bergelar bujang. Saya telah melabur 100% dalam hubungan itu dan saban hari menunggu Ai Chen yang sebenar untuk kembali. Nampaknya bahasa melayu saya sudah berkarat kerana saya sudah tidak tahu untuk menyambung post ini. Bagaimana saya boleh mendapat A1 dalm SPM dahulu..?

Don't stop and stare

Quote of day : You gave up on us because you don't think we can be together forever

Gossip Girl is back!! It's juicier than ever and I'm starting to have hots on Chuck Bass, the bad boy he never wanted to be..

Today contract class increases my self esteem as I read beforehand and get to answer the problem question right within 45 minutes. I drive to college now and I'm more confident on the road. My favourite moment while driving is singing my hearts out in the car, gives me a sense of empowerment somehow.

Talked to the friend today, he just gotten through the next step of making himself being happy and I hope he is feeling better.

Tomorrow is another day, which I hope will be a great day. I think less of The Ex now, but I had some dreams about him. When I drive pass his apartment, I still look at the 6th floor window to see whether he's in or not. But I'm feeling less emo about it. It's getting better day by day. Baby steps. I just hope my heart will be whole once again.

At college today, friends were talking about what they are gonna do for the holidays from June till Sept. This is my list:
- Attend my bro's church
- Ikea-nize my room
- Set up Astro in my room
- Join a different gym
- Find a job at a law firm
- Work weekends at Sbux
- Learn French
- Go on a holiday
- Save money to buy a Tiffany's ring

This list is what's keeping me going...keeping me sane that life is too short to mope around. Wish me luck so that I can accomplish the plans.
When I go back to college for Part 1 in Sept, I'll be a different and better person cause I got so much to offer.

Bleed it out

One day seriously I have to change my blog to an emo blog, with black wall paper and some suicidal girl as the header.
I dunno why sometimes I just choose to hurt myself emotionally. I felt fidgety as someone did not call me today. I know we are casual and firends don't call and text everyday. Then another person told me I can hold on to him in this time but do not have to give anything back. I cannot fall for any lines now..I have this bad habit of dissecting each sentence a particular person made and take it seriously and get disappointed. I have to stop!! I have to stop rationalizing from legal point of view damnit!!
I have a fragile and vulnerable personality right now(R vDhaliwal). Crap am i doing it again? Seems like my mind just able to churn out some cases for the emotions i'm having. Back to the topic, I'm weak, no longer the Dragon Lady my friend told me that I am, instead a lizard which allows people to step all over me. I saw the people coming to step on me, yet i let them..For what? Then I'll get all emo and blame myself for being so stupid to let people in. But I have hope, I always have hope that people is different and I have to give them benefit of doubt cause not everyone expected to treat other people nicely. But I give people chances again and again and always believe that they do not mean what they do. In the end, I'm burned and if you examine my heart now or what's left of it, its full of scars and plasters and possible some blood bleeding from it now.
Nonetheless I still have hope in love and people. It si by that hope that pushes me forward to learn to trust in people again..

Stressed

Papers,papers, papers..I think Law students use too much paper. Notes,journals,articles, essays and assignements. I'm starting my panic spree and my mind now is starting to saturate with legal principles, cases and sometimes whenI watched the news, or read something my mind seems to connect it with legal principles. I'm even doing it in my life right now for relationships wtf. One more month...One more month till ultimate freedom.

It's been two weeks since the day, feeling better but sometimes I have some sort of restless moments sometimes. I vow to feel better cause I want to be the Ai Chen I was..

i know my comet is out there

There are many life lessons to be learned in life and i've experienced one of it. Alicia keys -Lesson Learned depicts how I feel. I'm not 100 % healed but it is better. At times like this, friends are the most important thing you have. I know I told this the umpteenth time but jsut for u guys out there, keeps your friends closer than you keep your bf/gf. I'm not saying that you give 100% to yourfriends and ignore ur gf/bf but keep the friends connection going and strong. Let them in your life and they'll be there for you. I regret that I spend too much time wif The EX and ignoring my firends and most importantly abandoning God in my life. Yes, there are past mistakes that I've made, I've learned and I'm looking forward to love again as soon as my heart healed. There are tonnes of things to do now that its about ME. Exams are nearing, places to go, future plans to do..I mean I'm feeling better and wish that I'll have less emo days from now onwards.

Went out with a friend today, chatted and both felt better. I've discovered many things about me now, and start to recognise my strength and weakness. I had nice memories from the past but I'll make new memories from now on.

I'm just 22, there are many roads to lead and people to meet. Life is too short. I'm healing,I'm feeling better and hope I'll be healed asap.


I was burned but I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned, so I call it a lesson learned
My soul had returned so I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned
Lifes perfect, it aint perfect you dont know what the struggles for
Falling down aint fallin down if you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past cause i'm gettin past
And I aint nothing like I was before.

cross fingers

Got some kinda plans forholidays..left only the final proposal n money..coming soon..pls pls make it work..I wanna go travel..!!

Can you fall so low?

Felt emo in a sec and better in another. I'm a great girlfirend aren't I?

I'm content to waking up beside each other and cooking breakfast and hanging in the house on a lazy Saturday or Sunday

I'm content to being together in the same room and do things individually slotted in the middle an occasional hug or kiss.

I don't really celebrate V-day. We can just hang out in the house, cuddling and watching a movie.

I like to shop wif my loved one in Tesco and then go and cook a sumptious meal and then spend time together.

I like to play pc games,ps2, movies and computers..boy's stuff..aren't anyone grateful to have me?

I was blinded with the material things that The ex bought me. But I'm an independent woman now. Is there someone there for me? I'm excited that in the next relationship I get to do better but I don't see any potential guy coming along. I'm still hurt, the pain is not going away. Time , everybody says need time..I don't have time. I want my life back!1

I want to be able to experience the first date, the first kiss, the first holding of hands, the first pillow talk session, the first cuddle..I want to build a new series of Firsts. Damnit..is that too much to ask?

automatism, semi somnabulism

I've yet another dream yesterday. WTF seriously? why my subconscious brain would not let it go? Pissed. Wake up with a heartache.The only thing keeping me sane is that exams are near...

shadow of the day

Driving in the middle of the night gives me a sense of peace. I was emo yesterday night and since my sister in Puchong, I decided I drove to her palce at around 1 am. I rached thtere in 20 minutes and once I reached there, I dun feel that emo anymore.


Was talking to Secret Friend for the past hour. He is having problem on moving on from the ex. I can really relate to him because the relationship he had was really similar to me. Years of commitment,the promise, the understanding and then suddenly lost in an instance. Watching the person you loved turn your back on you can really bring you down.


On better news, I lost 5 kg in 2 weeks. I'm aiming for another 5 more and it'll be soon..*cross fingers*

I'm feeling better besides the weight loss but also actually advising Secret Friend. At least I get to see what i need to see to really move on but he is still asking why..sigh..relationships..there are couple of breakups this year..with mine being the worse of the lot with the drama..but i'm ok today..dunno whether tomoro i'll ok too..anyways I'm looking forward for the mat salleh lecturer tomoro..that's all ~toodles~

Buggin me

What is love,hate and like? A friend told me:

I still love the ex,

I hate him for what he has done.

I like someone because he fills in the gap.

Now I'm totally lost.

Somebody told me he can't get over the ex. I don't know have I moved on from him as well?

I had a dream last night, a horrible dream, a nightmare. the ex came to my house to settle some payment or whatever. He brought the woman with glasses whom he slept with and another girl younger than me 19 to be in fact. I was upstairs and my dad was talking to him. I could not stand it and suddenly I was scolded by the 19 year old girl telling me to stay of Allan. i scolded back and then I could not take it, I took off from the hosue and had to see him. gosh then I woke up, my heart hurts like hell.It really does hurt, then I looked at my handphone it's past 10 am and no messages. Hurts the second time. Call a certain someone and got disappointed yet again. Fuck. Why is my life so fucked up? Why is all this drama at this period of time? Why can't i be happy? Why can't I sleep? I took a sleeping pill yesterday cause i was super emotional and I know I'm gonna have a hard time sleeping. It's a week since the dreadful day. Dreadful..shocking..heartbreaking day..

i wish there's some sort of switch that you can just flip and blackout the bad memories. i want my life back. Why all these dreams and drama? Complicated,confused..I wish exams are not here where I can just take a vacation somewhere asap..

For you law students out there

In a relationship, it reminds some of legal principles I've learned. Let me tell you in legal kinda way.

1.You go out just to have fun at some bar or club, you dress to impress. This is an invitation to treat (Carlill v Carbolic Smokeball) where an offer can made to the whole world. So on the facts, you r dressed and looked hot to invite some guy or girl to approach you and making that ITT to the bar arena.

2. then is the usual pickup lines and the ice breaker. then proceeded with numbers exchanged. This is like a counter offer or bargaining. (Hyde v Wrench)

3. You go home, feeling happy and the phone rings. It's the guy or girl who calls. At this point an offer has been made and you accepted by responding to the phone call and probably to a date.

4.So then you went on a couple of dates and things started to get serious. Maybe both of you slept on the 10th date. This is Consideration. Consideration is defined by Curie v Misa as a detriment to another and benefit to another. This is a badge of enforceability and gives the "contract" its legality of some sort.

5. You thought well this serious and it's not longer dating, it's in a relationship already. both of you took it a notch higher by moving in. You moved in together and bought furniture and play house. Then him/her dropped the bomb saying he does not want to do it anymore. he told you after the first sex encounter that he/she loves you and thinks that you are the one. You relied on that statement and moved in with him. but now he wants to moved out. Under contract , in unilateral offer you cannot terminate the offer when a person has embarked on the performance of the contract(Errington v Errington). In this case you saved money, rejected a couple of guys or girls to saty commited to get to marry him/her someday.

6. Then came the heartbreak. Well you have been misrepresented. Misrepresentation is a false statement of fact made to party misled which induces him/her to eneter into a contract. thus you have relied on there words, "I LOVE YOU" , and thus enter into a relatioship.So in this case there are three types of misrepresentaion which is fraudulent,negligent and innocent.I suggest you to go for negligent misrep where it is him/her who dropped the bomb to prove his innocence compared to fraudulent where you do all the work.

7. Well about a year or two after the breakup, you figure you can do ITT all over again. you figure if you follow back the bar/club scene if would be great way to pick up guys/girls. You are using doctirne of stare decisis(stand by what has been decided earlier).

8. It's the same thing all over again, the offer, misrepresentation etc. You did not fail to go out there to search for your soulmate and refuse to follow the precedence set. You decided to go on some singles dating website which is contrary to your usual way. you are using Pratice Statement 1966 where you depart from previous decision because it would lead to uncertainty.

9. finally you found your potential husband or wife and you live happily after..just remember to sign a pre- nup

moved on?

I mean how do you control your feelings, put a full stop or a comma or just some dots? How do you know how much time you gonna give yourself? My emotional graph is up and down this week. I had really sweet happy times and ironically on Sunday it's down again. Sitting lonely in my room, staring on walls and papers on my table. I mean how could anyone put some sort of halt to their feelings so quickly. At first it seems fine and then now its still the same consequence. But for me putting myself out there would I suffer this feeling once again? The answer would be NO and the factual causation is made out(R v White). Seriously my mind is using legal principles to sort out my life, to rationalize what I am feeling? should have I ommited in putting myself out there. I'm so dumb to volutnarily assume responsibility and get burned in the end. AS much i told myself, control it, but I don't know how...lost yet again...

Speechless

I knew there was something wrong. When do I ever learn? Why am i so stupid sometimes?

clueless

It's 3.40 am and I'm awake. I have trouble sleeping and eating lately. I don't know what's going on with my body. Friends say i might be sad, but at times I just feel numb and at times I feel happy. If I'm extremely happy I feel hungry and I will eat and if just a normal feeling I don't have the urge to eat. I'm trying to do some criminal assignments for practice but still do not have the drive..the mojo to really strive through.I'm happy if I get to go out, but I know its not good for me since exams are near. I miss someone. But am I missing him for right reasons? I have to decipher my feelings. think it through. Lying on my bed at this time gives me perspective. What do I really want? Am I too weak of a person that I constantly need someone to be there? Its been how many years since I was truly single for more than a month? hmm..7 freaking years.!! It's always one relationship after the other. Am I addicted to the notion of having boyfriend to make my life whole? Why am i such a weak person? I'm blessed to have some sort of potential relationship but I need to be sure..how to do that? Sometimes mistakes are inevitable but maybe I'm ratinonalizing it too much..My mind is telling me over and over again , take it slow, find yourself but my heart is just wanting someone to be there. Why all this emotional roller coaster?

I had a great time last night.Secret friend and I went out to Sunway Pyramid for a movie. we talked a lot and then he brought me to play my favourite arcade game "House of Death 4" then I watched him race in the arcade games. He's really good with cars either driving them real life or virtually. Then we watched "Defnitely, Maybe" which was quite nice except for the horrible seats in TGV. It reminds me now why I don't like to go TGV. You don't have enough head rest and it's like half of your head is exposed. the movie is about failed relationships and it gives me the tiny pinch of heartache when i see the breakups and all. And in CSI NY recent episode shows The Italian guy slept with the neighbour and lied to Lindsay. Fuck man, when i saw that scene the pain comes back. Coming back to yesterday's outing, we drove around PJ after the movie cause it was onli 11 pm and not wanting my secret friend to meet my parents who stays up late on Friday. then he showed me where the illegal racings, teach me about drags,sprints and circuit. Showed me where the racers berkumpul at PJ. funny, before I met Secret Friend, I always thought people who plays with cars are those super rich spoil kids. And what they are doing is just a waste of time. But I was wrong, he's different from my pre-conceived perception. He does not look like the typical racer and surely does not act like one. I only see him in action when he drove in the arcade battling with others.Anyway as i reiterated he is a Secret Friend, so i wont reveal more personal details about him and certainly are taking thing slow cause there is still a plaster on my heart right now. toodles~ Oh yeah I suddenly run out of karma stories..suggestions anyone?

Payback Scenario 2

Payback Scenario #2

I'm at my huge office overlooking the scenic view of busy Putrajaya. Times have change where once Putrajaya was more of the surburban city but it turned to a metropolitan in just 20 years. I just came back Palace of Justice of a long and tiring trial. there are emails to be read, cases to reviewed and then I heard my secretary on the speaker," Miss Goh, you have MR X(senior partner)'s client is here to see you. MR X directed that you review his case." I sighed, it's already almost 5 and today I have to go back dinner with my parents and asked for the client to be sent in.

When the door opened, I recognised the face eventhough it's almost 20 years after the dreadful Sunday. I still remember what happened on that fateful day.I'm suprised that he step into my office. We exchanged awkward greetings and then get down to business. I had so many questions but I was trying to be professional. He was a seeking divorce but it's a tough case because they have a pre-nuptial agreement. I mean divorce is easy but since he is working for the wife, he would lose everything. I was sympathethic at a point but told him that I would review the case and decide where to proceed. But deep down I do not want to take the case and tomorrow I'll pass it to my colleagues. We both exchanged gazes once a while during the conversation, he was slightly embarassed, I can see that in his eyes. After a quick half an hour consultation we shook hands and he left. I told myself I'm never going to deal with him anymore. and to see this day comes even after 20 years. I let it go already and now moving on with my life. I got what I wanted, a great job and a loving family...Karma~

Payback Scenario

Scenario #1:
I'm at the newest high end shopping complex in KL. i'm wearing a Gucci Jacket, Oscar de la Renta skirt with Chanel boots and a panter Cartier bangle to top it off. I was walking to the car park after buying a pair of emerald cufflinks for my husband for our 15 th year anniversary which in a week.Then I spotted a familiar face, his face was weary and tired and he was holding a number of shopping bags following dreadfully behind a rather snobbish looking woman who can be clearly seen been hitting the plastic surgeon often for botoxs and eyelifts. It was the ex. He does not look his cheerful self 20 years ago. Wrinkles were on his face and you can see the tiredness in his eyes. I went up to him to say Hi. He was shocked and could not believe it was me, he stopped and looked at me and greeted back. He was wearing crisp shirt and nice pants which is clearly tailor made and shiny shoes. Suddenly the phone rings and I uttered "Excuse me" its The Husband who is calling, I answered "Hello Baby,I've just finish shopping Where are you? Oh.. you just came back from New York? I'll be back soon honey..Bye". I then looked back at him said sorry about the dirsuption and that it was my husband who just came back form a business trip.I suggested to go out for a drink to catch up .I then passed my business card to him. Then I heard a loud shout,I was slightly startled.It was from the snobbish woman , "ALLAN!!! Can you walk faster and keep up??!!!"Scurrily he ran towards her and said sorry he could not go for a drink and said he would call. Then they both walked towards the Prada shop. I almost felt sorry for him and a bit suprised to on how a man whose dreams were crushed that you can just sadness in his eyes? People say its karma or the quote" what goes around comes around. Ah.. well at least now I can go back to my loving husband and lokking forward for my gift..

anger management

Msgs still keeps pouring in for support and midnite calls with friends helped me move on. My sisters are calling me to check on me, dad took leave to stay at home..he said he was tired but I know he just want to take care of me. At times like this , friends you thought you lost came back with a lending ear. I was wrong to shut them off when I said in my blog not to talk about it. Cause after talking it really made me feel better. New friends were made, family ties are strengthen and most of all I'm coming back God. Listening to a sermon on strength the other day really comforted me as well as some worships songs that hit me and made me realise.

this morning i was greeted by yet another morning message and a goodnite call. I want things to be slow. the slower the better. My heart are now plastered all over and the wounds are healing.Just sometimes memories are like salt to the wound. A tiny pinch but with all the love I get, I will heal. Through this difficult times I've learned a lot.

I read horoscopes wtf..the superstitious me..and thre is one line which is so true "you do not have to worry about sagitaurius's mind, but beware of the heart because it is defenseless" It's so true. my mind is always on the rational, practical side but my heart is usually defenseless. I'm too trusting sometimes , and get burned a lot. Since it's defenseless, it's intense..my parents were heartbroken after seeing me crying for a day and not moving away from the bed. I cried like I'm gonna die like that..suicidal type..*sigh*..things i did for The Bastard.

F**k it la..i got new goals new in life..new roads to pursue..I'm smart and witty, funny and did I mention smart again? I don't mean to be proud but I know I have a great personality. right?

Muacks..

Today is jst blogging the whole day. but it helps me express my feelings. i went to jaya jusco to buy some stuff. The my parents went to the supermarket so i tagged along. Dad wants me to cook pasta for him. I'm good at it. I've cooked it many times for The Bastard. but to go and buy the ingredients I always buy gave me a tiny pinch in my heart. I always love to cook so to lose that since i don't have my own kitchen it's a bit disturbing. We always talked bout our dream kitchen and how I would try different dishes everytime. It's gone now but i know my future i've a got a lot time for that. But just this period a bit sad lo.So to my future boyfriend, you sure gonna get fat cause I'm a great cook especially Western and Italian..Ok, gotta read my newspaper now and finish my long delayed judicial precedent paper...and oh yeah wait for someone's call..~toodles~

Good Morning beautiful..

2 nd or 3rd post in a day? I lost count.I just dun feel like studying.tomrorow is the day where i'll force myself to sit and study. today i'm just feeling relieved and as my fren said "awaken".Another incriminating evidence was revealed and I'm pretty sure when he cheated it was not onli with his colleague..jeng jeng jeng..i'm not telling..if my mom knows i blog bout this i'll be dead. She now so internet savvy she knows what's a blog..luckily she dunno my address or I'll be shutting down my blog asap.

I now can listen to love songs albeit the tiny pinch in my heart. I can look at the pictures and be unpertubed..I will look at the pics and think hey at that time did he cheated? but not the crying,wallowing feeling. I considered myself blessed to be able to move past it. I haven't like moved past 100% but it's close.thanks to prayers, sermons and worships songs, my soul is back..my spirit is comforted.thanks to friends messaging,calling and dropping comments.I finally feel free. Maybe there is this stupid feeling once i while but now i just need to focus on God. Problems will only get bigger if you focus on them,so focus on God.thats the quote I'm living by after my mom played the sermon for me. The sermon was so relevant it really did wonders for me.

I'm excited to build new memories with friends and family. I 'm excited that after my exams my parents will be paying my airline tickets to a place of my choice(but must coincide with my sis's flight)they asked me to vacation far far away like Paris? How cool would that be? but i hope my sis got a flight there or to Africa which i really would like to go. Or there is another plan to go Genting with someone...? Genting plan is too remote but I'm feeling so so much better. I've gone through the day without the itch to call the Bastard. How things change form The Bear to the Bastard. more updates soon on the date thing. We'll see how things go..I don't want rebounds!!

oh yeah since my life so drama..i should wirte my life story one day. Got somemore drama I did not blog..soon i promise.. Toodles~

Another day..

I went out yesterday..to a *drum roll please*BLIND DATE / DOUBLE DATE!! It's so crazy I have not done it before. Nonetheless it went well .Anyways I know you guys would be freaking right now saying it's too soon, I admit just the day before yesterday was the drama and crying like shit but being able to go out distracted me from the bastard. The date is also recovering from a 6 year relationship break up just 3 months ago. We spend time talking bout exes and how we are in a relationship and how we were betrayed somehow. We clicked albeit I was looking down almost all the time...I would not reveal the juicy bits yet. I dun want to jump the gun but it was fun to know someone is out there is still in the healing process and make me feel better. Both of us know the pain suffered by break up, he din sleep for 4 days straight after that and me i'm a trainwreck. but now i feel so much better. I dun expect anything but the feeling is great. Deep down I'm worried to go to deep but what heck right? It's not like we both gonna jump to a relationship asap.

I looked through the ex's picture with girl and I dun feel so bad anymore. Let bygone be bygones. Oh yeah the other couple and me were saying how ugly she is..serious, If I'm ugly imagine ten times uglier than me. I'm not saying that becuase of what she done but the ex said so when she came to office now they r both f**king each other...Such an irony. To the other couple who teman me.. thank u very much ya..

better

Thank you so much for the messages. I just went out with friends just now. I feel much better already. But it's glad to know that you guys are still here for me..I still need it though. Healing ain't easy and with all ur postive messages I'll bounce back..continue your prayers for me

My prayer..Pls do pray for me.

I'm sorry Lord for the things I 've done. I depended on someone who cleary cannot replace you. I turn my back on you Lord now I'm ashamed. but I knew you still love me. Bring me back to you.I need you back Lord. i'm nver letting you go cause I know you have a plan and purpose for meAt this times I know you show me the facts right in my face..I know it's no coincindence on what I saw. I need you back in my life. The love you showed me and my family. But I've sinned Lord. I'm sorry.I'm so sorry. Only you are here for me after all this. I'm now listening to worship songs on the cd that I've not listened in 4 years. It really touched my heart. I just want you as my friend Lord..As I'm writing this tears are falling down not because of him but because I abandoned you, Lord. When you send your Yue Ling to talk to me , I just realised how much i've changed. Not towards your plan and purpose but for my selfish ways. I refused to follow your words in the bible. I know well about being with a non-believer. Forgive me for my sins ..I dunno how many time I can say I'm sorry. I'm looking forward to going back to church and hearing Your word. You also showed a side of my parents. They relentlessly prayed for me and be with during this time and I know I can heal my broken heart through you.I just wanna feel your warm embrace again.I've lost sight of what important in life Lord which is YOU. How foolish am I to turn my back? But Jesus already paid for our sins and it's us the foolish people who cannot forgive ourself. I keep blaming myself but I know you help through it. Your love and strength is all I need. I love you Jesus. I knwo you look after me and you are all I need. Not material things but your love. As your love is infinite..In Jesus Name I pray AMEN.

bear with me

i have to deleted the last post. my mum told me to not to reveal the reason for my breakup. but i have to..he has another woman and I caught them in bed. period.

it hurts like hell cuz he cheated and lied to me. I dont deserve this piece of shit. its my karma since I've dumbed ppl before but there will be one day where to will kena form his actions. what goes around comes around

so friends or random readers just drop a msg here as encouragement cuz I really need it. btw here's my new number 012-3487221

...

I thought I can go through this. But it's hard and it's killing me. It's not getting better. I miss him. I understand why we broke up but I cannot accept it. I felt lost and depressed. To make things worse exams are super near. I want a new life. but I can't do it right now becuase of the exams.Everything is so sudden. I'm so depressed.