clueless

It's 3.40 am and I'm awake. I have trouble sleeping and eating lately. I don't know what's going on with my body. Friends say i might be sad, but at times I just feel numb and at times I feel happy. If I'm extremely happy I feel hungry and I will eat and if just a normal feeling I don't have the urge to eat. I'm trying to do some criminal assignments for practice but still do not have the drive..the mojo to really strive through.I'm happy if I get to go out, but I know its not good for me since exams are near. I miss someone. But am I missing him for right reasons? I have to decipher my feelings. think it through. Lying on my bed at this time gives me perspective. What do I really want? Am I too weak of a person that I constantly need someone to be there? Its been how many years since I was truly single for more than a month? hmm..7 freaking years.!! It's always one relationship after the other. Am I addicted to the notion of having boyfriend to make my life whole? Why am i such a weak person? I'm blessed to have some sort of potential relationship but I need to be sure..how to do that? Sometimes mistakes are inevitable but maybe I'm ratinonalizing it too much..My mind is telling me over and over again , take it slow, find yourself but my heart is just wanting someone to be there. Why all this emotional roller coaster?