random n not so emo

I'm trying my best to not be emo. but i dun like sunday evenings. i've been accustomed to have plans for weekends and no plans just sucks. i try my best to spend time with family, watching astro and all but it jsut does feel the void in my heart.i miss my sis. being with her really make me forget bout all those sucky emo stuff. one more day. i need to hold on for one more day. tomorrow i'm gonna get down and dirty with the complicating construction file i promised to help my boss with. then it will be hopefully be late nights suppers n shopping. then start with classes and hopefully wun have time for all this shit.

sigh i hate holidays and have no plans. i'm thinking and hope to go somewhere for the hari raya. i need to something drastic. funny how N can make so fucking emo. when weeks he did not called the second time, i'm slowly getting back my life. now i'm sucked back to the same emo tunnel.

over and over again i tell myself give it all to Him.

today i went to church and the sermon really hit me. I forgive you N. forgive you for you do not what you are doing. forgive you for offending me. I forgive you Allan. I forgive you for you know what you're doing. and I sincerely pray that both of you will be able to look to Him. Come back to Him. I have and I feel great that Jesus is constantly there for me every single time without fail. It's time for me to give something abck to him which is to walk in His ways. There was this line in today's worship I need to hold it dear "You're the greatest love of my life". Only god's love is unconditional. I need to hold on to that.

Looking back and i came so far. Why do i have to stop now? N is not worth it. and if by any chance he's reading this. I don't love you ok? It's just you gave me hope that this might work for a period of time and ur actions justify otherwise and robbed me of that hope. It's my fault to put that hope but you who gave me so much promises that me being a weak person believed in it. *A huge sigh*

Well on more sunshiney news GOSSIP GIRL is back. hotter than ever. the first episode is not that exciting but seeing the cast back is as good as ever. all of them look hotter than ever. absotulely love Blair and her cute hairbands and Serena's grecian dress in the White Party. Chuck Bass..I'm so in love with him. he's so cute in that straw fedora type of hat at the beach. and his lines are just the best ie"I'm in the mood to be right". Phew..so hawt!!..I wish Blair and Chuck wud just be together. they are like the power couple..so in love with Gossip girl...i'm currently downloading 90210 just to give it a try. not too fond of it from my first impression of the previews and all that.

pretty much thats it..nothing much for me. went to church..lunch with bro then tea time with parents then lounge at home watching AFC. bored. mundane.uneventful

# 1 always wanted to this kinda poses

me n my brother