Emo post again..

Am I'm too pampered? The Bear asks me what I want for Chinese New Year(he always buys me big gifts on CNY rather on v-day). We both are practical people,realists. We spend hours last few weeks thinking about what I need. I have a car, a well-upgraded pc, diamond ring,digital camera,mp3 player..hmm..pretty much all i need now. I'm sure some of you have it all now but this all The Bear bought for me and more these pass 3 something years. He wanted to buy me awatch but I seldom wear a watch, he wanted to buy me a handphone, but I don't need a handhpone now, he wanted to buy me a laptop, but I don't need it right now,plus I'm already having touble organising my files in my pc now..imagine the confusion I bring to myself if I have a laptop.What do I really want?? Retail therapy? I don't think that is going to make me happy. I think all i want is time with The Bear, it seems like no matter how many things he bought for me, all i want is to share with him. What good is retail therapy if he isn't there? What good is a handphone is he won't be able to talk me ?What good is a laptop if he won't ave time to do his OCD thing on it? He promise that after these crucial weeks he'll have time for me, I doubt it, after the elections, he'll be more busy. Even when we went back to Kedah n Langkawi, he's bombarded with calls. We did have fun, but I couldn't even talk to him now. I've been to dependent on him, we used to see each other everyday,suddenly he don't have time anymore. I don't blame him, but it is hard on me not having to hear his voice. I'm not an independent person in a relationship,always,I always need someone. taht's why I cannot do long distance,I tried it before but inevitably failed. I really admire people who can do that. I salute them,how do they contain they feelings and not be able to communicate? I need to be strong,stronger for these few days where my house is empty and I'm all alone...