I have no news bout N. Well nothing special happen also after the parents session. I'm at the office now. waiting for time to pass by. I thought I can go out with N tonight. But he have badminton plans with the colleagues. It's like that la..after olympics, suddenly everyone wants to play badminton. N said after badminton he'll call, cuz I said I want to go to T-Bun at PJ tonight. I want to play COD 4 badly...miss that game so much. But I think also tonight he won't be able to make it. Sigh
You know what..yesterday I went gym..yoga at 7.40pm..he said he want to come meet me. But i din see him and by 7.40 I masuk class ady la..after an intense yoga session, I called, he said he came n left..bengang tak..i mean i din come to gym cuz of him la but still..come also dun want to wait for me n belah terus. he said he workput then was really really hungry he kenot tahan n went back. then I called him when i back..chatted for a while then i said i want to sleep and he said he text me when he go to sleep. tgk tgk tak da pun sms. kena tipu again. then he tried to make it up for it my texting early in the morning..kira sejuk lah hati ini..
On brighter, more sunshiney news... I lost another 2 kg...I din even notice untill I hit the scales..but sadly my spare tyre still there. Now I'm taking herbal pills and found my fave cardio machine..*drumroll* THE STAIRMASTER. I tell you 15 minutes on it,you'll really sweat. But yoga even sweat more. I'm falling in love with yoga. I met two new friends through it also. I can't stop talking about how good yoga is. I especially love the thursday class. the instructor is a guy..he dun spend much time explaining..but straight to action n will help each student to achieve the post..always smiling n making jokes.
that bout it..nuthing much to add..till then..ciao~
super long meet the parents episode..
I met his parents yesterday twice in a day. Let's name this guy whom cause so much drama in life "N". The meeting was not planned or something, I thought of having lunch with him after my church and go CC. But later he told me his father want to settle some stuff with his ex who kept harassing the family for money. So I just went lunch with him, I went to his house expecting to just park my car and go by his car to lunch, only to find that N has just woke up. So I have to go inside his house. N's parents were not there, so we hang out for while then went lunch and came back to find his parents in the house. I was so nervous ok? Bearing in mind he already told them I was his girlfriend, which I yet to hear from telling me I'm his gf. We sat and watch some Olympic highlights and I went back cause so awkward if like wait till they leave the hosue to go to the negotiation meeting with his ex. I came home and slept like a pig. I woke up and called him, hearing so down and all, I offered to go up to Puchong again. My plan was talk to him so he wun feel so emo then go dinner with him n I balik his place or mine to watch the badminton. I didn't know the maid would be counting me in for dinner. Thank God, my friend who is a cousin of N drop by to his place, if not I really feel out of place. His parents were ok, his mother was friendly, dad..well the usual, cool and content man. I met his grandparents too wtf..like family reunion. All in all it was ok, I just hope I did not make any "etiquette" mistakes. I greeted them when i saw them, before I eat and when I want to leave. Sastisfactory kua..
I never had any experience like this. First timer. Allan's mom died when he was 18, dad does not live with him, so I only get to see his family once a year, during CNY. Makan pun tak pernah bersama. Then my other ex, I knew his parents way before I knew their son, so practically like family then. So this is my first experience meeting people's parents for the first time.
I think the only mistake made is that I went to his room before dinner, before his parents came back. We did not do anything, but his sister said it would leave a bad impression, so we went to the living room. I told this to EJ and he told me it's not good la. Well it wasn't me who volunteered to go ok? He who said you want to come up or not, so I went la. He should know how his parents feel like and his house rules. Anyways when his parents came back about 15 minutes I think, we came down to the living room already.
So EJ, I rest my case and put you (the plaintiff)to strict proof that I did anything wrong.. ;p
Fast forward to dinner time, there was a quite a number of dishes and the soup of the day was spinach and fishball soup which is in the top of my worse food list. But I can't decline and say "oh, uncle, I dun take spinach and fishball" and go all high maintenance at the dinner table. So I forced myself to finish the bowl of soup which I did. The food was just like what I eat at home and the soup is even exactly what my mum made and which everytime she force to drink I'll just skip dinner. After dinner, we all sat and watch the games, watching Chong Wei lose..after that I balik lo..It was quite an experience. But really thank God, my friend was there, so I could talk to her and ease my nerves a bit. Well you maybe asking isn't suppose N to do that? Well I wasn't expecting much, I can't expect myself to go all clingy on him and expect him to be with me all the time in front of his parents and granparents.
After I came home, we talked on the phone and the mum said I look better than his ex who is stick thin. A hint of compliment? I dunno..I just feel fat. Well actually his mum seen my pic at my friendster. Don't ask me..just plain weird and almost stalkerish, but his mum meant well, just worried his son will get hurt. Then N told me, now its my turn to meet your parents..my heart skipped a beat. I dunno how to bring myself about to tell my mum I'm going out with him. Not that I'm embarrased about him, but I felt I owed them after all they done for me in the course of my breakup. I felt like betraying them somehow if I start dating. My dad told me not to start dating till I graduate, scared I get hurt again and no heart to help me anymore. They just care about me very very much. My sis was telling me be single and free..live life to the max. I just don't know how to break it to them. I don't even know how to even bring him to dinner at my place. I think my father gonna go into super defensive mode cause he won't trust them anymore , cause he used treat Allan so nice, so I guess he was also shocked of what he did. N told me only when I'm ready to take him to meet my parents.
The other thing is I don't know when I'm ready. It's not so simple as meet and greet, it's a whole new level which I don't think I'm ready. I don't want to make the same mistake again by jumping into things so fast.I think the only right time for him to meet my parents will be a bbq party for my mom and bro's birthday next month. But my mom keep asking to meet N, she ain't oblivous to my late nights and weekend absence..That time was before I met his, I told myself till I met his parents, it will show that he really likes then only I will show him my parents. now he did, doing my part does not seem so easy. Things are not complicated but I seem to complicate it. *~there's no need to complicate our life~* that line from jason mraz kept circling in my mind. I just need to believe that everything will work out by themself...
I never had any experience like this. First timer. Allan's mom died when he was 18, dad does not live with him, so I only get to see his family once a year, during CNY. Makan pun tak pernah bersama. Then my other ex, I knew his parents way before I knew their son, so practically like family then. So this is my first experience meeting people's parents for the first time.
I think the only mistake made is that I went to his room before dinner, before his parents came back. We did not do anything, but his sister said it would leave a bad impression, so we went to the living room. I told this to EJ and he told me it's not good la. Well it wasn't me who volunteered to go ok? He who said you want to come up or not, so I went la. He should know how his parents feel like and his house rules. Anyways when his parents came back about 15 minutes I think, we came down to the living room already.
So EJ, I rest my case and put you (the plaintiff)to strict proof that I did anything wrong.. ;p
Fast forward to dinner time, there was a quite a number of dishes and the soup of the day was spinach and fishball soup which is in the top of my worse food list. But I can't decline and say "oh, uncle, I dun take spinach and fishball" and go all high maintenance at the dinner table. So I forced myself to finish the bowl of soup which I did. The food was just like what I eat at home and the soup is even exactly what my mum made and which everytime she force to drink I'll just skip dinner. After dinner, we all sat and watch the games, watching Chong Wei lose..after that I balik lo..It was quite an experience. But really thank God, my friend was there, so I could talk to her and ease my nerves a bit. Well you maybe asking isn't suppose N to do that? Well I wasn't expecting much, I can't expect myself to go all clingy on him and expect him to be with me all the time in front of his parents and granparents.
After I came home, we talked on the phone and the mum said I look better than his ex who is stick thin. A hint of compliment? I dunno..I just feel fat. Well actually his mum seen my pic at my friendster. Don't ask me..just plain weird and almost stalkerish, but his mum meant well, just worried his son will get hurt. Then N told me, now its my turn to meet your parents..my heart skipped a beat. I dunno how to bring myself about to tell my mum I'm going out with him. Not that I'm embarrased about him, but I felt I owed them after all they done for me in the course of my breakup. I felt like betraying them somehow if I start dating. My dad told me not to start dating till I graduate, scared I get hurt again and no heart to help me anymore. They just care about me very very much. My sis was telling me be single and free..live life to the max. I just don't know how to break it to them. I don't even know how to even bring him to dinner at my place. I think my father gonna go into super defensive mode cause he won't trust them anymore , cause he used treat Allan so nice, so I guess he was also shocked of what he did. N told me only when I'm ready to take him to meet my parents.
The other thing is I don't know when I'm ready. It's not so simple as meet and greet, it's a whole new level which I don't think I'm ready. I don't want to make the same mistake again by jumping into things so fast.I think the only right time for him to meet my parents will be a bbq party for my mom and bro's birthday next month. But my mom keep asking to meet N, she ain't oblivous to my late nights and weekend absence..That time was before I met his, I told myself till I met his parents, it will show that he really likes then only I will show him my parents. now he did, doing my part does not seem so easy. Things are not complicated but I seem to complicate it. *~there's no need to complicate our life~* that line from jason mraz kept circling in my mind. I just need to believe that everything will work out by themself...
sleepless in kl
something unexpected happen..i spilled my guts..feelings of uncertainty,inadequacy n comparison..all jumbled up together. i forwarded my jumbled msg to him. at first i thought this is it la..we are not going to see each other again cuz i told him it wud best that we just dun see each other cuz i feel being unfairly treated. then he did the unexpected.,, i'll just leave it to ur imagination.. but now i'm in a state of infatuation, and hence the late night blogging. like the concept of drunk n dial, i might delete this post later and regret i even blog bout this. but i just feel like ranting. i think he gets what i'm feeling right now. i feel relieved i let it all out. i gave him an ultimatum, and said i respect any of his decision tomorrow then the unexpected happen. it caught me by suprise and i ahvent felt that way for a long long time. i know some of u already guess what the "unexpected event" is..but coming from a "conservative" family..i just malu to really type the word out.. anyway..as said earlier..i'm drunk with infatuation n this stupid post is sumthing i think i gonna regret but what the heck..that's bout it..short,confusing blog..as always coming from a uncertaing confusing person like me..
comprehend?
I'm plain bored today. At work now. Boss went to Malacca so pretty much I have nothing to do.Well got la some things to do but I dread it. I have to calculate the estimation of the deceased's assets. And I hate maths so so much.
Something worng with my office's internet. Usually I listen to fly fm online. Usually it works fine. It does not need to buffer frequently. But today it buffers every 10 seconds..basically no music..no life..
Things has been a whirlwind for me. Its easy to say to go with the flow. Groove with the beat of the rythm. But for me its not. I always tend to over-decipher things. Friends call me a high strung person. Its a good thing if you studying and working but not with your personal life.
Maybe my expectations are too high.
I told myself I need to be independent but why I get so worked up if he doesn't call or text? or he does not date me the usual way? deep down I'm just weak. he is different. i am different. we are both trying to take things slow. but how slow can it get? i have fun going out with him. but there is still something lacking. inadvertently i'm comparing him with allan and its not fair to both of us. and maybe he is comparing me and his ex too. gosh..both of us has issues and i'm not sure whether to go on with it. like him? yes..but i dunno how to say no, that we are not ready..but when he's out with me..i like it..then when i came back i feel all sorts of emotion as if something is telling me this is not healthy, this is not right..
the thing is i expect to be swept away off my feet...when people try to court me... but he did not. he told me he loved his ex too much that he does not have the heart to do it again. i told him i am different..hmm..not that i expect love at this moment..gosh love is too damn remote for me. but its unfair to me if u want to go out with me and not care for me like guys usually do to girls when they date.i told him that..he says he understands. his love lesson learned was that not to spoil a girl too much and my love lesson learned was not to dependent on a guy. on the surface..seems perfect right..i'm not too dependent..but i'm still a girl..i still need those mushy TLC..he says he moved on..i told him once if he is still lingering on her ex then we just better remain friends. he says he's not..told me that both out breakups are in the past and told me he want "this thing" to mean something. this is our third time "this thing" has started. i din expect there will a be a 3rd time cause i seriously, honestly thinks we shud just remain friends.he told some of his friends n family i'm his gf. but i sure dun feel like it..if he says he can treat his ex so damn good..then i shud deserve that treatment. but i'm not getting any. so its unfair. period. we usually go out with his best fren n gf. go to gym n dinners with the other couple. rarely its just both of us till i told him i want to go out for dinner with him. which subsequently he took me out for diner. he did show his care in some way or another..he bought hair product for me knowing my hair was dry..he test drove my car n offered to pay half to overhaul..which i've yet to agree..belanja me for movies n couple of dinners which is always with his frens. sometimes he's hot ..sometimes he's cold..or at least how i felt..
i told him how i felt..well partly..i dunno why i cannot just be brutally honest with him..
i dunno if u guys out there understand what i'm going through..i just need to let it out. leave comments to tell me what you think..what shud i do?
2008..such a dramatic year for me..sigh..life still goes on..i just have to hang in there..i believe things will be clearer and better in time. in the mean time i just need to calm myself. not overthink stuff..just try to be in the zen mode..the beach mode..the chill mode..
Something worng with my office's internet. Usually I listen to fly fm online. Usually it works fine. It does not need to buffer frequently. But today it buffers every 10 seconds..basically no music..no life..
Things has been a whirlwind for me. Its easy to say to go with the flow. Groove with the beat of the rythm. But for me its not. I always tend to over-decipher things. Friends call me a high strung person. Its a good thing if you studying and working but not with your personal life.
Maybe my expectations are too high.
I told myself I need to be independent but why I get so worked up if he doesn't call or text? or he does not date me the usual way? deep down I'm just weak. he is different. i am different. we are both trying to take things slow. but how slow can it get? i have fun going out with him. but there is still something lacking. inadvertently i'm comparing him with allan and its not fair to both of us. and maybe he is comparing me and his ex too. gosh..both of us has issues and i'm not sure whether to go on with it. like him? yes..but i dunno how to say no, that we are not ready..but when he's out with me..i like it..then when i came back i feel all sorts of emotion as if something is telling me this is not healthy, this is not right..
the thing is i expect to be swept away off my feet...when people try to court me... but he did not. he told me he loved his ex too much that he does not have the heart to do it again. i told him i am different..hmm..not that i expect love at this moment..gosh love is too damn remote for me. but its unfair to me if u want to go out with me and not care for me like guys usually do to girls when they date.i told him that..he says he understands. his love lesson learned was that not to spoil a girl too much and my love lesson learned was not to dependent on a guy. on the surface..seems perfect right..i'm not too dependent..but i'm still a girl..i still need those mushy TLC..he says he moved on..i told him once if he is still lingering on her ex then we just better remain friends. he says he's not..told me that both out breakups are in the past and told me he want "this thing" to mean something. this is our third time "this thing" has started. i din expect there will a be a 3rd time cause i seriously, honestly thinks we shud just remain friends.he told some of his friends n family i'm his gf. but i sure dun feel like it..if he says he can treat his ex so damn good..then i shud deserve that treatment. but i'm not getting any. so its unfair. period. we usually go out with his best fren n gf. go to gym n dinners with the other couple. rarely its just both of us till i told him i want to go out for dinner with him. which subsequently he took me out for diner. he did show his care in some way or another..he bought hair product for me knowing my hair was dry..he test drove my car n offered to pay half to overhaul..which i've yet to agree..belanja me for movies n couple of dinners which is always with his frens. sometimes he's hot ..sometimes he's cold..or at least how i felt..
i told him how i felt..well partly..i dunno why i cannot just be brutally honest with him..
i dunno if u guys out there understand what i'm going through..i just need to let it out. leave comments to tell me what you think..what shud i do?
2008..such a dramatic year for me..sigh..life still goes on..i just have to hang in there..i believe things will be clearer and better in time. in the mean time i just need to calm myself. not overthink stuff..just try to be in the zen mode..the beach mode..the chill mode..
serious stuff
First things first. Results are supposedly out on 10 Aug. As reiterated, its rumours. The basis for the date is that I heard from a friend that A Level results are supposedly to be out on 10th. but bear in mind 10th is a Sunday. So go figure...I don't want to be liable for anything resulting from my blog.
Second, yes, I started to use my Christian name Alicia. Well I would love if you guys can call me Alicia from now on, but it's your preference. I'm still Ai Chen. Hope you guys don't think of me as snobbish cause I'm using my Christian name, I got that name since year 2000, but did not quite embrace it yet. But now its a new beginning for me, so I start to use it. So yea..you can call me Alicia from now on.
There..I let it out. Hope it cleared things and my advice to you guys even to me.. is that..it's nerve wrecking thinking when the dreaded results will be out..but chill..it's all gonna be ok..*deep breathe*
Second, yes, I started to use my Christian name Alicia. Well I would love if you guys can call me Alicia from now on, but it's your preference. I'm still Ai Chen. Hope you guys don't think of me as snobbish cause I'm using my Christian name, I got that name since year 2000, but did not quite embrace it yet. But now its a new beginning for me, so I start to use it. So yea..you can call me Alicia from now on.
There..I let it out. Hope it cleared things and my advice to you guys even to me.. is that..it's nerve wrecking thinking when the dreaded results will be out..but chill..it's all gonna be ok..*deep breathe*
molotov cocktail
ssshh..someone threw an emo bomb at me the other night. i was too tired to marah at the person but now when i thinking bout it..i'm pissed
i came back..tired..cranky..i'm hormonal cuz my period came twice in a month..i'm trying to lose weight by sweating off in the gym n eating less..all in all..i'm cranky. then someone threw a huge emo bomb at me round 11 something when i want to sleep ady. it wasnt even my fault. i said i was sorry but he din want to listen. i wanted to msn him now to say i appreciate what he has done and i'm sorry. but come to think of it i was not at fault. but deep down i shud have say sorry for his ego sake.but i still dun have the heart to even click on his msn n start my msg..sigh
nowadays my nights are occupied. monday is laundry n ironing day..tuesday till fri is gym night..sat is chill out or swimming night..sunday is church.
you cant expect me to be so accomodating all the time. yeah you can freaking call me a bitch or lan si..yeah i needed you at times of comfort..you were there..but not always..you gave me the hot n cold treatment..then you expect me to be all so loving. you promise to come back but din..then suddenly you go all emo with me..is this fair?
forgive me for my rantings..as said earlier this is all hormonal..
gosh almost midnite ady..i want to go relax n read a book..zone out from all these drama..
tomoro is yoga day..hopefully i can make it to the class and strecth myself out..then go out for cool dip in the pool..looking forward to it..till then..tata~
i came back..tired..cranky..i'm hormonal cuz my period came twice in a month..i'm trying to lose weight by sweating off in the gym n eating less..all in all..i'm cranky. then someone threw a huge emo bomb at me round 11 something when i want to sleep ady. it wasnt even my fault. i said i was sorry but he din want to listen. i wanted to msn him now to say i appreciate what he has done and i'm sorry. but come to think of it i was not at fault. but deep down i shud have say sorry for his ego sake.but i still dun have the heart to even click on his msn n start my msg..sigh
nowadays my nights are occupied. monday is laundry n ironing day..tuesday till fri is gym night..sat is chill out or swimming night..sunday is church.
you cant expect me to be so accomodating all the time. yeah you can freaking call me a bitch or lan si..yeah i needed you at times of comfort..you were there..but not always..you gave me the hot n cold treatment..then you expect me to be all so loving. you promise to come back but din..then suddenly you go all emo with me..is this fair?
forgive me for my rantings..as said earlier this is all hormonal..
gosh almost midnite ady..i want to go relax n read a book..zone out from all these drama..
tomoro is yoga day..hopefully i can make it to the class and strecth myself out..then go out for cool dip in the pool..looking forward to it..till then..tata~
viva la vida
It's August. Blink blink..its already four months or so after that incident..that drama..
So much had happened. It felt all too surreal for me. The most liberating moment of all is that I got to attend the 22nd Sultan Azlan Shah Law Lecture hosted by UM in Mandarin Oriental. The guest speaker is Tony Blair who presented his view on Rule of Law...which coincidently is one of my fav topics in public law...
I got an invitation by my boss and we all went together. We even got great seats two rows behind the VVIPS. After the lecture Tony Blair was just 10 m away from me at the ballroom where we had our refreshments. I snapped a few pics of him but did not have the guts to go and shake hand with him. Suprisingly there are not many guards around him. I had a great time there. I saw a lot prominent people from the legal arena. The more I'm expose to the legal world..the more I love it. I truly understand why some people they can never do anything else then what they are doing now..ie chefs,singers, musicians..for me its LAW. I never felt more passionately about the legal world...
Maybe it's pre mature of me to presume all of these cause my results is not out yet. Rumours had it, it will be on 10 Feb, it's a Sudnay, so it should be that week. Aa I'm typing about the results, I have butterflies in my stomach..nervous like hell..it's always that evil question "What if?"
Talking bout the evil question.."what ifs" has made my life unbearable at times. There is so much drama happening in my life..a soap drama can be made out of it..one of it is my current social life. I dunno where to start with it cuz its so complicated..maybe some of you think I jsut complicate it..but its not. Some of my frens already give up in trying to comprehend what is happening. I sometimes try not to comprehend it and just go with the flow. But its not easy as it seems. Life have been good so far except for this I think..I need prayers..lots and lots of prayers for me to surrender it all to Him. that i dun need to worry cuz He has a plan n purpose for me..
Ahh..enuff of my rantings..my room is in such mess. gtg la..have to clean it up a bit..even a tiny bit~
So much had happened. It felt all too surreal for me. The most liberating moment of all is that I got to attend the 22nd Sultan Azlan Shah Law Lecture hosted by UM in Mandarin Oriental. The guest speaker is Tony Blair who presented his view on Rule of Law...which coincidently is one of my fav topics in public law...
I got an invitation by my boss and we all went together. We even got great seats two rows behind the VVIPS. After the lecture Tony Blair was just 10 m away from me at the ballroom where we had our refreshments. I snapped a few pics of him but did not have the guts to go and shake hand with him. Suprisingly there are not many guards around him. I had a great time there. I saw a lot prominent people from the legal arena. The more I'm expose to the legal world..the more I love it. I truly understand why some people they can never do anything else then what they are doing now..ie chefs,singers, musicians..for me its LAW. I never felt more passionately about the legal world...
Maybe it's pre mature of me to presume all of these cause my results is not out yet. Rumours had it, it will be on 10 Feb, it's a Sudnay, so it should be that week. Aa I'm typing about the results, I have butterflies in my stomach..nervous like hell..it's always that evil question "What if?"
Talking bout the evil question.."what ifs" has made my life unbearable at times. There is so much drama happening in my life..a soap drama can be made out of it..one of it is my current social life. I dunno where to start with it cuz its so complicated..maybe some of you think I jsut complicate it..but its not. Some of my frens already give up in trying to comprehend what is happening. I sometimes try not to comprehend it and just go with the flow. But its not easy as it seems. Life have been good so far except for this I think..I need prayers..lots and lots of prayers for me to surrender it all to Him. that i dun need to worry cuz He has a plan n purpose for me..
Ahh..enuff of my rantings..my room is in such mess. gtg la..have to clean it up a bit..even a tiny bit~
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