emosified

I love the introduction of Sex and The City movie. Carrie Bradshaw starts off by saying" Women come to New York in search of two Ls :Labels and Love" Then she went off saying that she is looking for love. She found it with Mr Big.
At times I thought, is romance and love overrated? Is finding Mr Right an ultimate goal in our life that with Mr Right we are perfect.
I met with my ex colleagues that day and we catch up. He took a year to moved on from his ex who cheated on him, now he is happily married. It made me think, how much more do I need? How do I know that I really moved on? Or I'm just not happy with things are in my life. I'm just sick of feeling lonely. To make me more emo, a friend introduced me to the song by The Script: Breakeven. The lyrics are so fucking emo cause it's true.
I'm ranting as usual. Life is tough on me now cause my ex used to provide me with everything. I'm spoiled. I missed that security but now I here on my own. It's hard for me to blog about this cause this post might hurt someone. Maybe he already is hurt. I'm so tired of being emo, tired of being lonely, tired of being depressed, tired of being sad for nothing. These are just one of days, where I can be fine and down in the same day. Bipolar or something.
Music really can comfort me. Once I listen Sunlounger or Armin or Tiesto songs..my mind is relaxed. i will feel as though there are finer things in life. Things that can make me happy. I think I will come out with a list that will make me happy.
I've been out everyday since Thursday till Saturday. I missed churchon Sunday cause I came back around 4 in the morning. Driving in the calm of the night is so peaceful .
I'm just looking forward to a new beginning. Or the day where I'm completely free from all these emoness. I read a quote by someone " Don't ever regret the things that once made you smile".
Quotes.lyrics or music by anyone really depicts the human emotions. At time you think you are the only one who is feeling down but when you get a song or a poem that accuratley reflects how you feel, you will comforted in a way. You know you are not alone and you will get through it. There are also some "Ah Ha " moments these past few weeks. Ah Ha moments are created by Oprah that defines a moment where you discover something about yourself. but for me my Ah Ha moments is where I read a certain scripture or a passage in my mom's Christian books that speaks to me. There are several says which I felt God really spoke to me through the passage.
What I meant to say is that I have a lot of things to be grateful for. Why am I being so stubborn and holding on to things of the past?
As I'm bloggin now and pouring out my feelings, I realized I'm not controlling my emotions or do not understand myself. At one point i'm happy cause I have a lot of things to comfort me but at one point I'm emo. Why?
Maybe it's gonna be Novemeber soon and it's always been my fav month cause it's gonna be my birthday at the end of the month. I always have someone to celebrate with me. My sister is off to a long haul flight on that day. I'm going to my college prom that day, so at least I'm occupied. Sigh, I need strength and courage. and one last note:

K,
Where are you? Been days I last saw you even on webcam. I need to talk to you. I need to share music with you. I miss the days where we can chat for hours and exchange youtube links. You get me. Now I need you. I'm selfish I know. I want to talk to you...