flashback 6

June was a month of rejuvenation. I went to Singapore for holidays. A short one but it was relaxing indeed. I had the best time in the zoo. Yeah..jakun right? But Singapore 's zoo is awesome. The animals are happy and well fed and the best part is, the zoo is kinda open as in there not many glass windows or cages. The monkey village consist of different groups of monkeys living in a big man made tree and there are no cages.


I did my fair share of shopping there and overload on those magic wipes that I bought in Singapore. I just love that magic wipe thingy, I don't know if you guys know..but its the kinda cloth that looks like a napkin but the dust and hair just sticks to it when you wipe on a surface. I love it so much, that when my dad asks for it, i'll take it out from my secret compartment and give to them. I don't want anybody else using it. I'm obsessed with it. My bag was stuffed with the magic wipes. Not that KL does not sell it but its freaking cheap. I think about SGD 1 for a packet. Here's like 4 bucks from 100 yen shop. I'm that cheap. wtf.


Reminiscing back, I miss Singapore. My elder sis no longer works in SIA. So no free accomodation now if I go there. Just free dinners I guess. I love Malaysia and its culture and our laidback attitute(aka tidak apa attitude) but Singapore is organised. It's clean and the best thing is that you feel safe. You feel safe jogging down a park in the evening. You can walk around Singapore showing a bit cleavage and people don't gawk at you. The only thing Singapore does not have is mamaks like here. i mean if you don't have a car there and in the middle of night craves for supper, you have to take a cab. There are no roadside mamak nearby that you can just walk to like here in KL. I have a theory that the reason why Singaporeans are so stressed is that they have no mamak like KL. There are no Steven Corners, BRJ, Pelita etc. You see, Mamaks or more known yum cha sessions is the place where we unwind by talking crap.Seriously, mamak is the place to reduce stress, we call a bunch of friends and talk about our mundane lives and gossip about people to make ourselves feel better..haha..Sure some of you Singaporeans might be reading this and said, we have clean cafes like Starbucks or some hongkie style place in Singapore. but c'mn for you to take a cab, and go to Sbux and spend 10 bucks or so frequently and the taxi fare is expensive right? Here in KL, you can just order a teh tarik for RM 1.20 and talk shit the whole night!! Oh yeah one more thing, in SG you can't download torrents or you'll fined or jailed. The internet is fast no dobut because you can't download torrents but what is life without torrents? You can only stream online, but what about music? another negative side if you stay in SG.


I don't know why suddenly I blogged about mamaks in Singapore. As much as the country is much more better than us economically and all, nothing can compare to the culture in Malaysia. June was a good month for me. I was still emo at that time but it was a good month compared to the previous months.

Bugis Junction

Night Safari

Crazy sisters
Kiss for my prince charming

Polar bear

The only pic of us 3 sisters

*teehee*

Armin!!!

I'm so excited about Armin's gig in 12 days I dreamt about him for 3 days nows. My sister knew a dj in zouk and hopefully can get us his autograph or something..or just some extra perks or maybe can take a picture with him. Yeah I really want to take a picture with him and possibly see his brother Eller. Ahh..I can't wait!!!

Christmas

The holidays were busy for me. Now these few days I have absolutely no plans cause I'm damn broke to the maximum. On Christmas eve, I went with my sister to her friend's house for Christmas dinner. It was a sumptious dinner with home cooked turkey as the main course. First time I had a turkey and not the normal turkey ham I get in sandwiches. After the dinner we headed to Raw Club in Solaris Mont Kiara cause my sisters friend is spinning that night. it was a fun night, then the next morning I had Christmas lunch at my church. Came home and crash of course then at night went for seafood supper and a movie then mamak. Then the next few days, I did not go out cause I want to save as much money as I can cause ARMIN VAN BUUREN is coming to Zouk on 10/2009.

I came home that night after mamak and decided to surf my fav djs website to see their tour dates and was practically jumping of my chair when I saw Malaysia, KL in the tour list. I went to Zouk's website and they have no info on it and the only website that has the details is Juice's site. The tickets are RM 100 plus 2 drinks and he'll be doing a 4 hour set. I'm so excited cause i know its gonna be one hell of a set since he's announced the top 2o trance tracks of 2008 which I diligently exercised my rights and voted.Thus, he'll certainly be playing those tracks and hopefully some from his album also.My sister is not sure that she can make it, but i'll go alone. She says she went alone to Armin's gig last year. For Armin, I'll fucking go alone.

I'm also looking forward for January Cause I'll be getting my iphone and possibly go on a 2 week trip to Taipei and Los Angeles. But I'm having a dilemma, if i go on holiday I can't upgrade my pc. The clear choice is of course go on holiday but still..my baby, my pc needs an upgrade. Nonetheless, I know Jan 2009 is gonna be a great month!!

Here's jsut two pics, a turkey and us ladies at a club. The rest is in FB and yes the dress is the same as prom cause I bought two of them in diff colours. LOL

flashback 4 + 5

got to finish up my flashback posts..already near 31st ady..

April 2008

I was with my sister a lot that month. She brought me to clubs and I slept at her place. I was also sort of dating..bad bad choice. I was still emo, spend my time blogging and remembering what had happened. I lost even more weight and going to revisions ans studying. I met some new friends who helped me. Even with the weight loss, I don't feel beautiful. I don't feel happy. I was frequneitng forums and websites on how to deal with breakups. I can't go anywhere cause exams are near, I was stuck. I remeberred once my sis gay friends told me I look bad. Which I did, my hair was chopped off. the gay friend offers some encouragement. I went clubbing and chillout parties. But I still feel depressed. My heart was hurting.

May 2008

Holy..its the big exams. My parents prayed for me the day of the exams. Checking on me seeing if I was ok. I did ok. The papers were answerable. It was better that month cause the exams kept me focused on my goals. I would not let the breakup ruin my future. I still remember the exam hall, the facial expressions and where I sat. After the paper, I just slept and relaxed but I felt alone. So alone. So emo. I cleaned my room and await on what happen.I went shopping with my sis and makeover myself. But sitll I lack confidence in meeting ppl . I kept thinking of him and dating that time was not that good either. Made me even more emo. I applied for job at a law firm and got it. So at leat at that point in time I had a plan.

Flashback 3

March 2008

That was my most traumatic month ever. The breakup. I actually lazy to blog about it cause I'm so done talking about it. The bottomline is I caught him on the bed with another woman. Period. That was my most emotional time ever. My heart felt as it dropped on the floor and it was like a dream..a really bad dream. All this was about a week after our 4th year anniversary and in that week also my uncle passed away. It was just traumatic. I still have to go classes for revisions and I lost 5 kg in that month alone. I dyed my hair black again, changed my phone number and was studying everyday. I also went to a gay club for the first time and met lot of new people but still at that time I miss him very much. Thus March for me went by painfully and it was like a daze. No pictures cause where got the mood to take pictures at that time..

Flashback 2

Feb 2008

I think I went to Langkawi, I don't quite remember, but it may in late Jan or early Feb. I was having fun that time. I think that is the last fun memory I had with him. It was slightly different I think, I mean it was kinda routine like and I was stressed about exams till I bought Criminal textbook to read. I enjoyed the beach every much, listening to songs and sitting under the moonlight. The thing is the memory is personal. Now when I think of it, the memories I had was the things I experienced myself without him in the picture. We did have fun together but like I said, it was like holiday that we "forced" ourselves to have and we spend time individually relaxing and not much communicating I guess. I still did not feel as though we are drifting apart just busy with our lives. On Valentine's day, he just gave me a card which he bought and signed in front of me. Boleh tak? He said he was busy but he got me a teddy bear also. Hmm..I was happy that at least he made an effort but he knows I'm indifferent to teddy bears. As I browse through the pics now, I ONLY miss the beach and the sun but not him. I've moved on completely. After the Langkawi holidays, we both were busy with our lives. He was busy with work and the other woman (his colleague) I suppose while I was in nerd mode that time. So that was with my February 2008.

iChristmas

Before flashback 2..just want to blog about how happy I am that I will be getting a NEW 3G iPhone for Rm 1400 cause its subsidize by my sis!!Many ppl say dun buy and all tht..if 1400 can buy me an iPhone..I will and worth it..I've been using Sony for years and its time to change plus my pink sony phone is faulty..even a better reason for an upgrade. I know RM 1400 can buy a way better phone, but I would love my next phone to be PDA like and definitely that amount of money can't buy PDA phone like Blackberry or HTC touch. thus I'm counting days till I get the turbo sim and I personalised the phone with cute themes and many cute applications. I'm a sucker for fashion phones. I'm so excited!!

Flashback 1

Dec seems to move slowly for me and I can't wait to get into 2009. I think I want to do like a series of events that happen this year by month. So I'm gonna start with January 2008.

January 2008

I was still in a relationship with Allan. Things were normal. We were having revisons and tutorials for Intermediate. I was still overweight and pretty much life was routine. Oh yeah..allan and me was in a 'no colouring phase from like 2007. I got my car already and was learning to drive again despite that I was already of the Probation period. I remember I was excited for CNY as I'll be going to Langkawi with him. I think in January was The Star Education fair..So here is how I looked 11 months ago..FAT..but I like my hair colour though..

pirate

I an avid downloader..a torrent pirate..motto: sharing is caring..I was reading an article and here are top ten most dowlaoded movies in 2008..and I did not know I was that crazy in downloading till I realised I downloaded every single one on the list..muahaha


1
The Dark Knight
7,030,000
$996,500,000
2
The Incredible Hulk
5,840,000
$262,300,000
3
The Bank Job
5,410,000
$64,300,000
4
You Don’t Mess With The Zohan
5,280,000
$201,800,000
5
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
5,240,000
$457,400,000
6
Juno
5,190,000
$231,300,000
7
Tropic Thunder
4,900,000
$187,200,000
8
I Am Legend
4,870,000
$584,200,000
9
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
4,400,000
$104,500,000
10
Horton Hears a Who!
4,360,000
$296,945,439

relieve

I don't like mornings, thus I 'll wake up in the nick of time to reach college and sometimes late about 15 mins max. So today I budget myself to reach college at 10.30. I woke up and my pc was in shut down mode. Hmm, I did not shut down it yesetrday but I knew there was this update thingy going on on my pc or my baby I called it. So I tried to switch on my baby in the morning to do a lil facebook and check on my downloading stuff and all. To my horror, my windows could not start. I panicked a lil and thinking all the way to trouble shoot it and I know it's beacuse of my dvd drive. I know it's no use for me to do anything cause its purely hardware. I was running late and called my sister and brother who were out to help me send it to Low yat. I was fidgety the whole day thinking about my baby. My sister called said the stupid dvd was stuck and caused the problem. They took it out and did not charged a cent..Phew..The next thing i'm gonna do is march up to the dvd guy in SS 15 and change the dvd. I wonuld not take No for an answer cause it caused such damage to my baby...RAWR!!!

migraines

Wow..10 days since the last entry and so much have happened. I've been really busy these 2 weeks, with classes and my new found friends. On other note, my dvd-writer just busted. I cannot even detect the writer. I have to open my cpu for the first time in a year or so. Luckily i have another one extra.
Many stuff have happened in the course of 2 weeks. I've been skipping some classes cause I really need some time off. My migraines are coming back and now its recurring frequently. Like in a day there'll be migraines for about 1-2 hours and it hurts like hell. I will feel naseous and super tired. I have to pop panadols before I sleep or I will have migraines in the morning. Something is not right with me. I keep telling myself, two more weeks only for the partying n social stuff then to business. It's gonna be over soon. It's not an obligation for me to party and all but I need it. Cause next few months , January to May is super intensive and I would be in nerd mode then.
I don't really sleep well also. And tomrrow till the 20th I have classes very single day as Ms Claire from London is coming to do the whole land lectures. ARgh...jsut two more weeks till new year..and I'm looking forward to a brand new 2009!!

noche

Despite that previous post, I'm gonna ignore it and focus on my prom post.

Prom this year as much my frens were to agree was awesome. Congrats to Kim and her team, they made it all happen. Their food was great, I can't get enough of the bread pudding and they serve hot coffee or tea. I can't live without tea ok? There was great service by the hotel staff constantly refilling our drinks and clearing our tables. We got to eat first before the performances so we did enjoy the performances. There were dancing, singing and even a magic show!!..LOL. The ballroom was beautiful, the ligts and decor, really sets the mood.

The highlight of the prom was Raja singing. Last year he sang a ballad which was great. This year he was with a band comprises of young and old and he sang some crazy rock and roll songs. We all literally went crazy and danced on the dancefloor cheering for him, like in a concert. I mean everyone went to the dancefloor and danced with each other. It was a really a fun night. Everyone was in the mood to party even the lecturers were out on the dancefloor. Everybody was smiling and laughing and dancing and high even without alcohol. The other performances were great, the singing medley by the students is great. Who knew our college have that talent and the opening jazz act was great. Oliver and Lei really deserve to be the prom king and queen. the night went well and I would go again if next year is equally great. Next year intermediate has a big challenge to make it even better.

Now to more persoanal perspective,the dress I wore was bought at Sungei Wang for about 50 bucks.I got the same dress in yellow but green look better on me. It might not look as elegant as some but I don't want my prom dress to be too dressy cause I'm a cheapo and would like to wear it to clubbing or other dinners. I did not really plan on the entire outfit, all I knew is that I need to wear leggings to cover up my scars on my leg. Initally plan to wear my heels but for some reason its lose and I don't want to limp while walking. Makeup was my usual clubbing makeup, dark eyeshadow with falsies. My hair was simple cause I don't know what to do with it. I don't know how to tie it in a bun so I just clip it.One of my dear friend say I looked better than last year. Its a compliment and I'm happy. Last year I spend more time preparing for it as opposed to this year wear I was out of the house in 30 minutes.The scarf was a last minute addition as i scared I was gonna be cold, thus Ijus grab it before I leave.

I did not really camwhore this year, cause the performances were to damn nice for me to spend time walking around and camwhore. another thing bout the prom is that, we get to see the wild side of other fellow students. How they are so serious in college but when they party, all is let loose..haha.. we law students and study hard and party even harder!! Everyone was looking hot that night, its like a makeover when you see them. all dressed up, with makeup..all was looking elegant. Wow !! what more can I say but more postive stuff? LOL!!
Here are some pics of that night in random order:

Crazy moral lecturer Mr Subhi

Waifon, my nocturnal msn friend

Power couple EJ and Deb = Edeb Kim, the girl who made it all happen

Kelly and me in green!! Great minds think alike!!

Tim all grown up in a coat!!

William, what more can i say?

Trying to look cool

Danielle elegant as always

I know I'm hot *ahem* LOL

Totally candid

Hawt!!
Mr Transporter 3
Joshua, my football translator

wtf?

i posted my staus as why people say I look like a clubber?Yes I club and drink and dance. I never got wasted and when I club, i club resposnsibly. Sure I do crazy poses while taking pic and I kissed Jas on the cheek for fun. Then look what someone wrote to me at facebook:

You do like a clubber...obviously!! why go and kiss ppl's bf??!! kiss me lah!! you really look like you are easy....desperate...sorry...but I think as a girl..you shud behave yrself and have some self-respect...not shout for attention like that and spoil your image!!! It also 'tell' that there is nothing wrong fucking around as well!! Well?? do you have that view??I'm sorry for being bold but that is the realty from the point of view of a matured adult!! not from some crappy..half cooked college buggy who burns his parents money just for flushing it down the drain..and fucking around!!! said too much!!! think about it!

I was like what the hell? When the hell did I fuck around? Did I have any any pics fucking around?!!Fucker says I'm easy, having fun does not mean easy!! OMG!! People like this jsut have no life to msg me like that. going to club is not a sin. I'm jsut syaing why people alwyas see me as one. I'm not ashame of anything so don't bloody hell fucking judge me as an "easy" girl.

Twilight

I'm sitting blogging here when I'm suppose in evidence and tort. I overslept, cause partly my parents not here. If they are here they'll know I got Friday class an would nag me till I go. I went out with a friend yesterday, was suppose to be dinner but followed up by a movie. So spontaneous and nasib baik got seats la.

We went to watch Twilight. I'm not really fond of the movie initially but because there no other movies for me to watch and animation is not really my thing so have to choose Twilight. I heard that teenageers in US are going crazy about this movie. Well Its a pretty nice decent show. Mind you this show is about vampires loving a human so the basis of this show is LOVE and not much action, and even if there is, there is nothing specatacular about the fight scenes and all.

The story is about Bella a new girl in a small town called Forks. Suprisingly she found new friends in High School pretty quick so don't have the bitchy cheerleader drama going on. First day of school, she met Edward Cullen and she have to sit next him during Biology but when he saw her, he look repulsed and pretty much did not talk to her. Then he wanted to change classes but couldn't. So it went on a couple of weeks the hot and cold feelings he shown her and then the love story begins and she knew that he is a vampire. But a good one, like vampire who's a vegetarian that only drink animal's blood. Ed loves Bella so much that he introduces him to his family who is all vampires also. They are all so nice and welcoming. (I think the father is damn hot!!)
So later there is a drama going on, so you guys just have to watch it.

I think it would be great if they would make this into a tv series, I would totally download it every week and watch.

trance confession

I jsut realized that trance keeps being from being more emo. When I broke up, I listened to songs that supposedly help me from being emo. Those breakup songs but none worked better then trance. not even my usual bossa nova or jazz but trance. I feel calmer. Crazy for people to accept but I love trance and it keeps me sane.I clicked on some mainstream songs today and from mentally tired, it makes me feel slightly emo and make me think of irrelevant petty things that makes me even more emo. Trance for life!!
After a gruelling class today I was so tired mentally, when I stepped into my car, i quickly put on my saviour album: Universal Religion by Armin..terus relaxed..even Sylvester , my friend says the music is great. Came back I have to straight click on my itunes for some real music. Music that calms me down. Its like a drug, you need the music constantly.
how I wish I've known trance earlier..

Zara: Lost

A busy weekend I supposed. Like I said I don't like to stay at home. This week is prom nite and so is my brithday. I don't really have big plans, just dinner with friends and clubbing I guess with another bunch of friends.This year well, my first birthday in many many years with as a single girl. I kinda dread my birthday this year.
I celebrated with my family yesterday, just steamboat at Sunway. It's a tad bit early but its the only weekend where everyone is free. They asked me to drive to Brother's Puchong later and ask me to pick a cd player. What a suprise!!Now my car is certified a clubbing car..lol
pics later, cuz i dunno where my camera is. I know its here somewhere, in my car or downstairs or in my many bags.
My room is a huge mess, too many books. I think us law students are the cause of global warming cuz we use too much trees. I have 3 groups of books for 4 subjects. A set of books by UOL, textbooks from college and my bro's books n notes. Notwithstanding notebooks of written lecture notes..ARgh..so much stuff..
I creted a group for trance fans in Msia, so anyone who likes trance pls join the group. I'm in the midst of getting some local djs to join and hopefully create a strong base for trance fans..

emo..slightly..the rest is just random

It's nearing the end of November. One more month till 2009..Times flies by so fast, so much have happened. I've changed my blog and the layout a couple of times.
I was feeling lousy lately, but I met my yoga friend and she say I look hot. I don't feel hot.
A long lost friend says I look hot also, so is another girl whom I met recently. But the thing is I don't feel beautiful. The friend told me I must feel confident but I'm just plain emo and feeling lousy. Some days are just crappy, as if there's nothing to look forward in my life. My objective now is just getting through weekends. I've been clubbing very week and hope I can go clubbing also tomorrow. I dont care gay joint or straight, I want booze and music.
I now enjoy dressing up. I found that my taste in shopping has improved, I began to pick clothes that flatters me compared to last time.My makeup has also improved, a gay guy says I have better makeup now. When a gay guy says you look hot, you know you getting somewhere...lol
I actually don't know what to blog, I actually very malas to blog more bout my emoness, jsut a mention here on my blog.
In other mundane news, I'm drowning in Part 1. I'm not that focused anymore. Uni books has arrived and I just wrapped the textbooks and put it back in the box. I don't have the urge to touch it and open the book.
Moving on, after a long day of class, I have to rush to my sis place. From Brickfileds, I drove like mad back to Pandan then sped my way up to Puchong. My sis bought this cute portable speaker and I used it to connect my MP4 in the car. What music would I listen if not Trance??!! SO I was driving in 3rd lane and trance-ing in my car..At one point, I don't know its the music or the tiredness, I totally blanked out as in I totally was not aware I was driving. I was speeding in the 3rd lane for about 5-10 minutes but my mind was not aware. My subconscious mind was driving, then when I snapped back at it, I nearly missed the turning to my sis's place.I'm not asleep but I was just in a daze somehow. Scary. I think I got into a car crash (touchwood..) I don't even know what happen and by that time I might be at the gates of Heaven already.
that's about it, my ramblings or ranings you might call it. ciao~

spinning

I'm now at some frens house, blogging. I'm amazed that the house is kept so clean and theit's tenants are all males. They party hard and yet their house is squeaky clean, and no, they do not have a maid.
I'm feeling kinda lousy this week, I don't know why.
Maybe i have bipolar disorder. I just want all this negativity aura in my life to be gone.
I'm hungry, and they are partying downstairs, have they own dj set and one guy spinning. It's a gay party as usual..so guys to pick up..lol
I think I want to learn to spin la..sounds interesting and I think i can get some DJ to teach me. Well it's an interest and would love to learn something new.

club 21

I'm finally sober. Iw as drunk yesterday night . I don't know how many drinks I had. I went to Club 21 yesterday night and got the best seat in the place. My friend Virata opened 3 bottles I think. He belanja so we all hentam on the booze..Virata bought his frineds, and conincindently we met some other frens who recognised Virata and a friend of Vera's cousin whom was there as well. So it's a pretty small world. I had fun not only because of the booze and dancing but I get to meet new people. That night I have contacts from bankers, auction property manager,rockclimber and a doctor. talk about networking. Of course the best part I did not fork out a single cent. This what I called successful clubbing. You danced,drink and meet people.
Club 21, is a club at Changkat there, near Jalan Alor, opposite Frangi. I knew this place and know its the hangout place for most Mat Salleh. I think we were the youngerst bunch there..lol. The music was ok. Chillout house I think. Then it gets on pretty great around 2 and we danced like no tomorow taking breaks to drink again. We all finished the 3 bottles.
I really did not one the party to end lo. I'm still now in state of alcohol shock, need to process back what happened yesterday night.

M

I'm pissed at someone. Things you convey to people with good intention came back to stab you at the back as if your fault. Then when you confront the person, you end being the victim as if your fault for telling it in the first place. Why am I being misunderstood?
I always tell myself don't take it to your heart. People will always bring you down and by forgiving them, I will be better. It's tough. Really tough. Some people will always want to win, well I think I will let them win or be right eventhough I think their wrong. Why? Cause they will not accept feedback. Then in the end I'm always known to be someone who has a thorny side where deep down I think I have good intentions. From now on, I'm washing my hands of all this and try to live my life. As people get closer, things are said carelessly but they don't know that it hurts.
Life will always have challenges, big or small. I'm learning to handle it. I'm more patient but it still hurts.

going wrong?

This whole week is like non stop for me. Classes and the invigilating. Eventhough invigilating for 1 and half hours may seem easy but you need to pay attention and observe the students, and walking rounds throughout the hall. Tiring. I really did not do any studying this past few weeks and skipped like 3 tutorials. I've been clubbing for two weekends in a row. I'm tired. I din go gym. My life is slighlty disorganised but I had fun. But sometimes no matter how much fun you have, you come back at times feeling empty. At times when I can get enough sleep, I tend not to sleep early. A friend told me is pyschological escapism. Even with the postive post previously, I have the tendency to make myself occupied all the time. I download tonnes of series, podcasts, movies and going out more. I went clubbing 3 times in 2 weeks. Watch James bond twice summore. I'm fine i guess, just that I feel I need to do a lot of things but sadly study is not my top priority right now. Is there something wrong with me?

before and after

Througout the emo,drama,unsettling months, as most of you guys know I've lost weight. I've lost 10lbs altogether or 5 kg or so. It's still going down and at times in the morning when I weight myself it was around 52 to my amazement even I don't gym so much now. I'm not tying to brag but today I watched Oprah and she interviewed this women about weight loss and how it affects her life. It's not so much about the physical appearane but you feel that you also lose the "toxicity" in your life. I don't know how to put it in words but the change is inner and also exterior. Today one Allan's best friend who is my friend also posted a picture when I went to Keadah with him in February.tehre I tipped the scales to 61 kg. I saw that pic and realised how fat I was. When people around told me I'm fat that time, I don't believe.t. Now I see it. So for the first time I'm putting my pics to comparison.
I still have my fat days or fat pictures, but now I feel more confident. I began to start dressing more to my age. I learnt the art of accesorizing. I feel great.
Many people has been asking mef or tips. I loss weight through the hard way..heartbreak. But now, I just go gym n yoga. And yeah, I seldom eat out. Last time after class, usually will eat at the kopitiam. But now the classes are in the evning so very less and I want to jimat money so I always eat at home. I just hope this post inspires people and most importantly inspires ME.

March 08

( I can't fit into this jeans anymore, even with the help of belt..its too loose.. =)

October 2008

(last time if i wear this tee..its so freaking tight that i just don't wear it)

confession

Like all scorned lovers and jilted exes..what is the common thing they do in the age of technology? They go facebook snooping. I do that too occasionally. Don't mistake it for " still have feelings for that person" but for me I have the curiousity to see how they are doing right now. To see whether they have a new girl in life or not. I don't do it everyday, there are no fixed routine on when I check out my exes profile. Today like those days I felt like ex snooping, Allan(the latest ex) added a new profile pic. He's the usual self, smiling and making goofy faces to the camera. His status is still single and he no longer send those annoying hugs n kisses,coffee n cakes and all that crap to the girl he cheated me on. (Yes, I go as detail as that when snooping). He was wearing this really bright red shirt, the kinda red where you only would wear in chinese new year. He was at a temple somewhere with statues of Gods behind him. He was wearing the silver bangle which was crafted with Thai mantra for protection. He also still have a Thai locket clipped to his shirt. The usual accesories he must wear when he goes out. Some things never change.

But today,I've changed. Looking at the picture, as if God wanted to tell me God never intended him to be The One for me. He never accepted Jesus and now he has gone back to his ways. Well he never had gone back, he never left his ways in the first place. Having restored my faith in Jesus, seeing the pic is a stark reminder that he is not saved. How can I be equally yoked with him? I've learnt it the hard way. I was happy with him but sometimes when religion comes into play, I gave in, I even drank those chinese holy water knowing very well I'm not supposed too. I was like thinking what did I see in him now that the love is gone.( Love is gone by David Guetta is pumping in my head right now..lol). I had a liberating moment again. I'm another step in letting go. Maybe I did let go, but every step I take in the future will liberate me even further, find out more about myself.
The past is still the past. I took glances to the past through this facebook snooping activity. Thats about just facebook snooping. He looked happy, good for him. I'm sure his career is well on the way with his boss now as the President of MCA. I just pray that he will know Jesus someday and find salvation. Our paths may never cross again but I wish him well. Truly do.

trust

Has my parents really trust me? I went out clubbing with friends last night. They did not ask where and my mum saw me with my "clubbing" makeup..my mum was like "OMG, why my makeup like that" but she said it jokingly. I even asked for money and they gave. My frined came to pick me up, and they did not ask detailas about him.I came back round 3.30 am and the next day they did not even ask me where I go. My brother even ask me how was clubbing yesterday night. Today was as if I did not go out at all. All was good. It has been this way this past few months. I could just go out whenever I want and they are not asking questions. Sometimes they even gave me money.Normally boys have no problems right? But i'm a girl, I expected some nagging or what, but none. At first I thought if I go clubbing with my frens sure kena nag, but they din. If I go club with my sis lagilah they din say anything, summore ask me whether I'm coming back for the night? But I won't abuse this new found freedom. I must be responsible and use this freedom rightfully. I think they know I need friends now I'm single. They know I won;t do anything crazy so I'm blessed to have parents like them~

stay..pls

For the first time in weeks,I'm listening to mainstream mucis on my pc. usually..well..its trance..what else.
listening to estrella-stay..makes me miss him. reminds me of nights spent chatting n webcaming away. him serenading a song for me which he created for me. super sweet..till i melted. reminds me of us exchanging youtube links and comparing whose is better. me making stupid faces so he could smile. i miss him.. i even miss him lighting up his ciggy eventhough i told him smoking is bad.. it's been weeks since we chat. he's been sick and really busy. its been like that through the years. its funny how i would miss him dearly but i'm still able to live on mwith my life, knowing that he's here..just not all the time. it makes me feel independent.

you know who you are..you told me not to write your initial..but who else would i miss but you..koishiyeru ____ san

happy

I finally went to the library to do my land assignment. No doubt the lecturer asks to to do it in draft but when i was in the library I started referring to new textbooks and writing away. I spent 2 hours, reading and writing. I guess my mojo is back. However same cannot be said for my trust which I stuck halfway and just handed in nonetheless. I'm expecting red writings all over that assignment and that" look" by my lecturer. Well, I did what i could, definitely could have done better.
This week so far has been a good week for me. Despite some glitches that happened, I'm ok with it. I realised I handled it more maturely then I used too. I'm starting to compartmentalised those negative feelings and doing my own thing now. This week was also a week of "Ah Ha " moments for me. I learnt something about myself.It might be the little things but it made me happy and content.

why so serious?

Hihihi..kiki..huhu..haha

huuuu...in and out of love

The best clubbing experience ever. I don't have to fork out a single cent and still get a drink and a table. Danced the night away at podium.. Even took a photo with the trance DJ from Netherlands, Dj Nenes. I screamed out loud when my favourite song was played, well not entire song but a remix of it, nonethless it was AWESOME!!!! There were obvious influence by Armin and Tiesto. To top it all off, my sis and I went to the club dressed as JOKERs. Pics later. Keep you guys in suspend mode. Fun night. Next week another trance DJ is coming, John Digweed in Zouk. Love to go, hopefully get the chance la..now time to sleep and dream of tranceland~

trance session

Congratulations to Armin van Buuren for getting Number 1 yet again. I heart trance and now moving slowly into Deadmau5 in electronic house which is suprisingly good. I still listen to mainstream music but I truly wish I can get a cd player so I can blast through while I'm driving. I've been going through forums trying to understand the trance scene. Many people in Malaysia still is not exposed to the trance scene, i mean now only MOS is playing some of it but they still have to some R&B nights to support the clubbing scene in Malaysia. R&B is nice to dance and have fun, where you jsut shake the stress away. I Like R&B also when out with frineds and dance the night away but trance is something you can enjoy. I mean really enjoy, feel the beat that takes to..well TRANCE. At first I was apprehensive but I was exposed to Tiesto at first and found it with hints of heavy techno, but nonetheless the base beat was great. Till I discoverred Armin. OMG, first song I truly fell in love was the first track in Universal Religion album. Truly I shall say if there is such a word call music orgasm, I think I had a that when i listened to it. My mind totally was blown away by that track. You really can feel yourself immersing to the music, it's not so much that you want to dance to it, but you yourself will move without you knowing it. At the start with the slow beat it was jsut foreplay, it was good though but in the middle, reaching the climax..TRANCE, EUPHORIA. I'm sitll very new to trance but I'm loving every single song I listen now. It's like a whole new world to discover. I'm kinda sad that many people do not appreciate it but whatever la. I've been experimenting with different genres all the time and found some discovery ie bossa nova, instrumental,lounge, jazz, cafe del mar etc. Its hard to find someone who listens and appreciates these type of genre, so hence I share it in my blog. Mixing lounge music and bossanova influence with trance produces one of the greatest track I've ever listen. The original music was from Sunlounger and later mixed by Armin... Heaven. It's so good that I can't stop telling how good it is. Forgive me for sharing my new found interest, as said before nobody truly understands my style of music. Well I need my nap now..later going to Halloween party..pics later..

risky shit

A friend said a couple of weeks ago,"Go call N to come join us la..I need some drama". I didn't call him of course, then tonight, my friends and I decided to Taman Desa to yumcha and EJ said want to call N or not. I replied jokingly,"If want drama call him la...", he din but N did come because of my car.More about it later. I'm just glad that I'm home and so is my car. Thanks to my friends who were there tonight. It was one hell of a ride. I really want to blog about it but I don't have the mood to type it all out. I did something pretty stupid,dangerous and could get my friends injured and thier cars also. To top it off, I screw up an opportunity which I clearly did not see cause of my stubborness. Sue me for breach of duty of care cause of the obvious risk. Damn it...Do you feel regret when you did not take the opportunity which you did not see in the first place? sigh..

v

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

emosified

I love the introduction of Sex and The City movie. Carrie Bradshaw starts off by saying" Women come to New York in search of two Ls :Labels and Love" Then she went off saying that she is looking for love. She found it with Mr Big.
At times I thought, is romance and love overrated? Is finding Mr Right an ultimate goal in our life that with Mr Right we are perfect.
I met with my ex colleagues that day and we catch up. He took a year to moved on from his ex who cheated on him, now he is happily married. It made me think, how much more do I need? How do I know that I really moved on? Or I'm just not happy with things are in my life. I'm just sick of feeling lonely. To make me more emo, a friend introduced me to the song by The Script: Breakeven. The lyrics are so fucking emo cause it's true.
I'm ranting as usual. Life is tough on me now cause my ex used to provide me with everything. I'm spoiled. I missed that security but now I here on my own. It's hard for me to blog about this cause this post might hurt someone. Maybe he already is hurt. I'm so tired of being emo, tired of being lonely, tired of being depressed, tired of being sad for nothing. These are just one of days, where I can be fine and down in the same day. Bipolar or something.
Music really can comfort me. Once I listen Sunlounger or Armin or Tiesto songs..my mind is relaxed. i will feel as though there are finer things in life. Things that can make me happy. I think I will come out with a list that will make me happy.
I've been out everyday since Thursday till Saturday. I missed churchon Sunday cause I came back around 4 in the morning. Driving in the calm of the night is so peaceful .
I'm just looking forward to a new beginning. Or the day where I'm completely free from all these emoness. I read a quote by someone " Don't ever regret the things that once made you smile".
Quotes.lyrics or music by anyone really depicts the human emotions. At time you think you are the only one who is feeling down but when you get a song or a poem that accuratley reflects how you feel, you will comforted in a way. You know you are not alone and you will get through it. There are also some "Ah Ha " moments these past few weeks. Ah Ha moments are created by Oprah that defines a moment where you discover something about yourself. but for me my Ah Ha moments is where I read a certain scripture or a passage in my mom's Christian books that speaks to me. There are several says which I felt God really spoke to me through the passage.
What I meant to say is that I have a lot of things to be grateful for. Why am I being so stubborn and holding on to things of the past?
As I'm bloggin now and pouring out my feelings, I realized I'm not controlling my emotions or do not understand myself. At one point i'm happy cause I have a lot of things to comfort me but at one point I'm emo. Why?
Maybe it's gonna be Novemeber soon and it's always been my fav month cause it's gonna be my birthday at the end of the month. I always have someone to celebrate with me. My sister is off to a long haul flight on that day. I'm going to my college prom that day, so at least I'm occupied. Sigh, I need strength and courage. and one last note:

K,
Where are you? Been days I last saw you even on webcam. I need to talk to you. I need to share music with you. I miss the days where we can chat for hours and exchange youtube links. You get me. Now I need you. I'm selfish I know. I want to talk to you...

heart eller

My sister told me when in was little , i was so cute..now I grew up to be an ugly duckling. I felt slightly hurt by that but she said at least u got the brains in the family. I know I'm not hot. I don't have great skin. I always felt that I was confident back then cause I ad someone who I can cling too. I let myself deteriorate badly and now I'm picking up the pieces. I did something today and i felt liberated. It doesn't mater what the outcome is, but I felt better. Someone gave me the courage to do it. It did not turn out the way I wanted to but I felt a huge burden lifted up. Ok where am I digresing too..off topic..comeback to the topic. Yeah, I'm not hot. I need certain poses to make look at least decent in pictures. I'm trying my best to organise my life back. I have lots of clothes and shoes. All I need now is to improve my skin. But I keep procastinating and going out more and more to not let myself be alone in the house. i had my alone time today. Watched CSIs but still manage to do that "thing" and call my friends out tomorrow.Someitme sI feel empty. When you out whole day, come back and crash ont he bed. You wake up, you feel nothing. I felt like I'm running away somehow. But after the incident I felt better. Felt good, liberated.
Now my main mission is to organise my wardrobe and take good care of myself to look good on my birthday which coincides with my prom nite. Go yoga and gym more often and tone my body. 2 more motnhs for 2009...it's gonna be a great year for me. What goes down must come up and next year is my year..

eller...

i love in out of love by armin and zocalo..awesome. been out past few days..now going to the dentist..when i want some time home..i have plans..if i want to have plans..there are no plans..life is just full of suprises

sick

I'm finally sick. Sore throat, slight fever and runny nose. Someone just shoot me now so I don't have to go classes tomorrow.

OMG

I cn;t see the moniotr clearly. I'm not wearing glasses or contacts as I'm doing my peel off mask. The sudden urge to do mask is that a friend told me my skin is bad. First reaction maybe I should have defensive and attack modebut he's my friend and I'm happy he gave me commetns. Made me realised that i've been neglecting my skin lately. When I emo, pimples rupture and there always seem to be scars left. I've never been blessed with good skin, that is the reason I can;t wear skirts or shorts cause I have ugly scares on my leg. I'm planning to see a skin specialist soon but I'm always procastinating. I'm going to facials onece a few months jsut to keep to replenish my skin. I have to start to take good care of myself. I'm slacking in gym cause classes takes up 5 days a week and Sundays there are actually Turst lecture but it clashes with my church. So technically I have only a day off of doing nothing. I only manage to squeeze in yoga on thursdays. There is holidays for a week and I plan to go back to cardio and weights. I need to reorganise my life back. I need to do some spring cleaning.

Tomorrow is Terrible Tuesday. Class is from 2.15-9.30pm. After that is a week holiday for Deepavali. Classes are non-stop, there are no time for lecturers to go off a bit with thier lecture and tell jokes, no more great discussion as the lecture is super intensive. During intermediate, I seldom cry out for breaks, now I cry out fro breaks. Sumtimes it's just an hour and half of lecture but the amount of information is tremendous. Sigh...I hate Part 1..

another point, Ok, we are all adults, we may have encounter porn once either intentionally or unintentionally. 10 years ago when we watch movies, girl kisses guy, then fell ont he bed and we all know what happen right. then gradually movies incorporate making love scenes, some you can see the girls back or the girl jsut wearing a bra. Then it moved on to topless. I the first movie I saw where the girl is topless was Species. It was the talk of the teen community. boys secretly watched it on vcds behind closed doors. Then there was titanic, oh..we all know the famous naked pose Kate Winslet did for Leonardo. Then topless woman became sort of a norm, I remember movies that how stars were topless was Shakespeare, Monster's ball and The Royal Tenenbaums. There was once I thought why so unfair only girls have to be topless, sexist? I'm saying this not that I gung ho want to see a guys dick but why a woman has to show her breats and guys get away scot free? for guys, it started off topless..what's the big deal, then a little bit of ass..and now finally in the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall, it is all shown. I was shocked when I watched the DVD. I heard from frens say it has that scene in it but I was still shocked nonetheless.Not once but a few times i think there was scenes showing his dick. Then yesterday I watched Eastern Promises. And there was a scene Viggo Mortensen fighting two guys while he was butt naked or a better way to put , in his birthday suit. He's kinda hot for an old guy with the tattoos and all but his part..OMG. I'm so not ready to see his balls ok? Kinda spoil the macho look of his when he bend down to pick up the knife. Anywasy my point is, the movies are getting more soft porn into it. Maybe to give audience the realism of it. I'm still in state of shocke when I watch forgetting Sarah Marshall and Eastern rpomises. Brace yourselves, I think there is more to come on guys naked. I have a feeling in James Bond we might be able to catch a glimpse on Daniel's Craig arse.
time's up..my mask has dried..perfect timing..will blog soon.

For you Jesus

I painted my nails pink. I'm hormonal. One moment I was crying and emo-dialing. Not drunk dialing. I called people when I'm emo and maybe even more emo after that but I still do. Now seeing my nails I'm happy or at least feeling better. I went to church today and I'm glad that I made that choice to not go class. Today's sermon was on Joshua's perserverance to keep on holding on God even through tough times.
Being a Christian does not mean we have an easy life without struggles and storms but you wil find comfort knowing that He will never let go of you even through the rough storms but we too have to hold Him close to us, continue to praise Him and he will lead us through the darkness. Jesus is there always for me, no matter how much I've sinned. Yes I admit I may shock people telling them I'm going to church. I'm not perfect but I'm not embarassed. I have my sins but I'm happy that I found salvation and solace in His arms. We sang a worship song which really spoke to me. I may continue to be emo at times but I know I'll go through it by continue to stay with Him and talk to Him and praise Him. I love you Jesus, throughly do.

Which one?

Books and more books. Even before London is sending their own text books, I already have some from my brother and the college. There is so much materials I don't know where to start.

I watched Discovery today and they found out that too many choices around you might cause depression. weird huh? We thought we are superior because we have so many choices but in fact its making us more depressed and stressed.

20 years ago you walked into a restaurant they would offer either coffee or tea. Not much questions on which type of tea or coffee, its is accepted that tea should be the usual English Breakfast and coffee..well black. Now there are Earl Greys, Chamomile ,peppermint etc. Well, since i worked at Starbucks we offer six types of tea and we show customers the menu. Wait, I haven't even started on coffee yet. You get the picture right? Sometimes when I asked the customers what they want some were irritated,(which I presumed were the caffeine deprivation effect) and more often thatn not the first timers were perplexed. Come to think of it, I agree with the research from the documentary that too many choices might lead to depression. They experimented by sending a man to shops all over to choose a bed. He went through at least 300 over beds and could not choose.

Men feel superior when given choices, the power is his hand and they want the best. But given too many choices our poor 10% used brain can't handle it. We would decipher whether we made the right decision. The question" What if? " always suffices and since we live in the age where there are choices every single thing in life. We already have great choices to make on our education,career,potential Mr Right etc and now we are burdened by trivial matters in our daily life. You walk in a cafe, you need to choose. you go in the shopping mall, there are hundreds of shops that might have the same black cardigan, it boils down to which shop you gonna buy it from.

No wonder that the research concludes that too many choices might lead to depression. I put on my thinking cap and thought the more mankind tries to improve out life better it seems the side effects are undesirable. I'm not against technology and civilization but it just made ponder.

bedtime readings

I need to blog about some things but don't have enought time. Tomoro class is freakishly early at 9.30 am-3pm...with 30 mins lunch break..bleh..I have two cases to read cause tort tutorials is tomorrow..I hate bedtime readings..bloody boring..

trust+migraine

I'm now sipping my cup of freshly brewed honey ginger tea. I'm so so tired. My mind now is saturated with trust law which I don't understand.Many of my readers are law students and some are not. To you guys who are not law students, imagine having to grasp a concept from a chart which has arrows everywhere, notes and extra points around the chart to understand a case. Plus the case is then reviewed from several different points of law this creating Vandervell(No 1) and Vandervell (No.2). All this because some rich guy named Vandervell decides to evade paying tax and hiring cunning lawyers who bend and twist the law and thus making the life of us as law students difficult. This is not made better byt the fact that I have been in classes since 2.15 pm and trust class is at 6.30-9.30 pm. I had only two 15 minutes break between those tutorials and one hour for dinner. I'm mentally exhausted. I can't open any law books for this period of time. I'm kinda pissed in trust class not because of the lecturer but the law we are studying. Trust, suppose to be a simple thing. "I trust you to hold my property to benefit someone" Who even invented it in the first place? We can't even trust ourselves, how can we trust an outsider? Human beings can't be trusted...pissed..angry..exhausted..stressed...thats' all i can rant at this moment.

head hurts

I'm having headaches lately. Almost every night I have headaches. I have to pop 2 panadols every night to sleep. Then when I wake every morning i felt the headache is gone till the next night its come back. I don't know what's wrong with me. My panadol supplies in my room is finished and I have to ask my parents. And get the usual nagging and questions of why? Why am i having the headaches? I don't know how to answer. I just want my panadol and get it over it. Sometimes when I stand up i have this sudden dizziness and almost blackout feeling. Low blood pressure and low iron. Sigh, headache please go away. I want my peaceful nights back.

survival

I just watched Grey's Anatomy latest episode and it enlightens me. The pyschiarist said to Meridith "Feeling happiness in all the horrible things that happen is not the goal.Feeling the horrible and knowing that you are not gonna die from the feelings, that's the goal."

I tried to make myself happy after the breakup. After months sometimes I feel emo. I told myself why am I so weak feeling emo? But now I understand, despite the emoness I still survive.

Sunday evenings

There are certain times of a week I always dread and dislike since I was small. It's Sunday evenings. It's when you know, weekend's over, you have to get back to work or classes by tomorrow. I will always wonder what have I done to make my weekends worth it. Ever since I was in primary I hate Sundays evenings, I dread the thought I have to wake up early the next day, I dread that I have to iron my school uniform and finish up my homework. It's even worse when I start working. Plus, 70% of Sunday evenings, it always rains. Great job by mother nature to brighten up the mood eh? Today was no exception. Since I go to church in the morning, I nap in the afternoon and often wake up feeling drowsy and have this insatiable thirst. Lips are chapped and throat is parched. My whole family goes to church, so we all too, wake up around 6 or 7. All in all, i hate sunday evenings. Today is no different and it's raining outside. Makes it all so depressing.
tomorrow i'm joinig the UK transfer Land Law class at 10 am. SO tonight I have to read some notes and the text book. Sigh.
I don't know why I'm blogging about this but I just freaking hate Sundays evenings.

phew

i finally finish the drama..5 hours..sleep deprivation. was worth it. i've never felt the urge to "shase" a drama so badly. now the song is stuck in my head. evidence and tort tutorials tomorrow. get through it and i need to sleep. then get my much deserved nap and hopefully all my series has been downloaded. thursdays are usually where i need to download at least 5 series: csi:ny, criminal minds,project runway,dirty sexy money, antm and knight rider and also private practice.
gosh..need nergy for tomorrow..til then...ciao~

moonlight resonancing

inthe middle of a drama marathon. moonlight resonance la what else. i'm emo cause of someone and emo cause of the drama also. the drama made me cry for a few times. every two episodes or so i cried. touching. 5 more episodes to go..its more dramatic than ever...

sluggish

Tired. Sleepy. I had a whole day of class. 2.15pm-9.30pm. Crazy right.

2.15-3.45 Land Tutorials
4.00-5.30 Trust Tutorials
6.30-9.30Trust Lecture

Testing my mental stamina.

I did something risky today. I usually park nearby my college in a chinese temple that charges RM 3 per entry. Cheap right? Wehre to find per entry parking nowadays.. Been parking there for the past year I think. Today there was no parking ther but the attendant, a chinese woman asked whether my car is manual, i said no. She said if its manual can just tolak. I said well how about I leave my keys here? She said ok. I was running late. I need to go to the library to renew my books and class in about 10 minutes. I can't afford to park further down, plus my class is till night. If I were to park at the other parking, it's super dangerous to walk there at night. So it's the lesser of two evils. I left my keys there, I trust her cause she's a permanent worker there. I came down to check on my car after my classes and finally at 5 something, they parked my car at a parking space and i took back my key. Phew...If my dad knew he'll kill me. I was thinking also, would they duplicate my keys or what. So to be safe, I think I'm gonna ask my dad for a diff steering lock just in case.

I'm so tired. waiting for someone to online but I guess i'll call it a night. Cannot study la. WAnted so much to rewrite my notes and do some reading. This time my mind is willing but my body is not. So ciao~ Nitez

Just a thought

Neutral position. You are neither moving forward or backwards. This is essentially how I feel. I'm complacent of my position in life right now. Everything is ok, no major dramas. Yet something is still is still missing. Lacking. Somehow the puzzle is not complete. I've nothing to look forward too. My study mode is not back yet, I'm not emo but just contemplating. Sometimes no matter how much fun you have, the next day when reality hits back, you will feel empty. That is how I feel. Empty.

wings and dogs

It has been a busy weekend and it hasn't ended yet. I just finished bbq-ing with family and waitng for my turn to mandi(my bathroom is attached and I share with my bro). I'm sleep deprived and has little time for some relaxation, but it has been fun though. Will update with pictures and details.

terrace

My facebook has 300 over friends. 70% are from family,high school,college,work,acquaintences and random people. that bunch of random people is added in order to increase my yoville crew. I have 4-5 friend requests a day from strangers. I jsut leave them there not knowing whether to ignore or accept. However that is nto the point of this post. The point is I have requests from college mates. Well they are not exactly mates more like I know you are in the class taht sort. I've been in quite the limelight last year. Due to the the prom drama and my extrovert nature especially in Meera's class. Sometimes they think I'm smart, they come up to me and ask questions, but the thing is they know my name and I don't know them . Some will say hellos and smiles at me when I'm at the hallway. Of course I greet back, for me its ok. I'm not shy about it but I feel bad for not knowing their name. Feel bad that maybe they told me their name before and I forgot. I fear that one day I called their name wrongly and they will feel I'm a snob or something..lan si maybe. it's jsut me. I always been the loud one, the obnoxious one..so I guess they all know me or at least notice me. I remember once. a girl calling me from behind tagging me to teach her on a question. I don't know even know she's in my class in the first place, but I told her what i knew. This year, my part 1, I remained quiet most of the time, I don't know la..I feel like dumber this year. I get my confidence from the knowledge I know but now, I low self esteem..no no no..not emo..jsut pointing it out. some random post..on people who know me and I don't know them..

lovely

Press play to experience euphoria..

fu tiau tiau

Woke up at 11 am and went to mivalley with my parents. They went shopping while I went to yoga at 12 pm. funny thing I realized..

My gym (California Fitness) has a pool. It has a quaint shelter and lounge chairs. To my amazement i felt like i'm in all gay club or men's club cause all the guys who sunbathe there are guys with hot bodies. Presumely gay. Some even lay on the floor cause the lounge chairs are not sufficient. Guys in their speedos spraying on tanning oil and lying on the lounge chairs. I did not seen a single female species at the pool, I guess it's intimidating. Gym is the place where I feel I can do my own thing and it's even more liberating if the gym's not packed. I got my wish these two days, there are so few people, even yoga class is less 10 people. Once I stepped out of the gym, I beh tahan. Too many people and to make it more worse, Midvalley is like a haven for couples. Or is there a couple's day I'm unaware of?

I'm trying my best to not be emo these holidays, keep myself busy from dramas, gym and series. Seeing all these couples is not making it easier. I'm jealous? perhaps so. The person I long for is not here, even if he's here it's complicated. I'm still a girl, a girl with feelings longing for companionship and love. but I'm proud to say I kept myself busy, thanks to my sis who bought the tvb drama.

There are so many things I would to blog about, but here is not the channel I should express myself, somemay get offended and some may continue to judge me from my blog. I don't hate these persons, it's their right. However my life is dramatic and emo as it is, I don't want to add in to that pile of drama.

Well I just finished 2 episodes of the tvb drama and boy oh boy, it's getting more juicier. I used to remember that my mum forbid me to watch chinese dramas, saying it corrupts me and makes us use cantonese even more. I will sneakily watch the chinese dramas anyway. Last time I don't like drama about family, prefering more to love stories. Now I love to watch chinese drama on family values. Maybe last time I don't understand that much, but something bout moonlight resonance drama attracts me. The quotes they use is realistic, some even my parents used before. Last two days, I had a mini parents -daughter shout match on a tirvial thing. I continued watching the drama and there was this part where the daughter ran away from home and the mother and grandafather was searching for her. At that part I cried, my sis cried too. Seeing the grandpa saying sorry to the grand daughter brings me tears to mye eyes. There was one time I had a big fight with my dad, I blamed him for not letting me study A levels, my dad said it was because my bro has to go UK. I was frustrated, I lashed out at him saying he bias and all, then he said sorry to me cause not providing me the education I need. I remembered that moment clearly, I was so guilty, I said I was sorry too. But for me the fact that my father said sorry to me was too much for me to bear. I was guilty, OMG it even brings tears to my eyes now.Anyways, that was in the past. I appreciate them more, they been there for me when I broke up with Shrek( I changed his name to Shrek.. ;p).

Ok..moving on..tomorrow I'll be meeting with my besties at Midvalley for a movie and catch up sessions. Tomorrow is 3 days in a row I'll be in midvalley. Oh yeah, I remembered why I bit pissed seeing the couples in Midvalley...Shrek and me started out in Midvalley and N and I started off also in Midvalley..well technically in IOI mall but it's sort of significant nonetheless..
And K, if you read this, I'm not emo bout them ...well u know me..always so sensitive.

Hmm. I ranted didn't I? My post as usual is all over the place. That's why I say this blog is called flowing thoughts cause sometimes I have to much to say. I'm listeing to Armin's Universal Religion album and it's euphoric especially at the start..OMG, I love it so much it brought shivers to my body. Trance is euphoric. It's so good you feel your body and mind drift with the beat. I don't know how to explain it but it's just so good. I think it brings you to a state of trance in awe of the music. I'll achieve my dream one day, lying on field under an oak tree and listening to trance with someone.

Ok enough rantings..I'm off for a quick nap and hopefully dream of something nice..ciao~

been through

In the middle of a manicure waiting for my nail polish to dry up. Well Selamat Hari Raya to all. I have my fair share of Raya food. My mum bought Lemang and we had ketupat given by our neighbour. Then my dad went to an open house and tapau nasi briyani for us with rendang and kari.Today was pretty much ok i guess. woke up at 12 and went stragith to gym cuz got yoga class. Then came back and watch Moonlight Resonance drama on dvd, took a nap and dinner. Then Moonlight Resonance again till now. The TVB drama is damn addictive and really nice to watch. The script is great and the acting is fabulous. Truly drama..
I've also managed to fit in my weekly dose of Gossip Girl. Desperate housewives is back and Heroes too. Now my pc is working hard. It's downloading something everyday.
Tomorrow it's gonna be yoga again in the afternnon and sambung my tvb drama. Pretty boring sometimes. Walking back to the carpark in midvalley, I saw lots of couples. Feeling a bit jealous actually see them dating happily. Well life goes on. One day God will provide, many people hvae ben telling me, this singlehood life is for me to grow so I'm better prepared for the next relationship and that it keeps me going. I must strive to be happy myself~
Arhh..nuff said, below are some pictures. My henna drawn hands and me, kim in deb's house with her dogs bruno and justin.

es tu?

We can say goodbye everytime but end up chatting again. Funny in a way. Just feel like sharing. Judge me all you want but just be there when I need you guys. Sorry for being harsh.

erm

I wish I can lie in a field under a big tree and listen to the music. I can't play any musical instrument but people who do, play with their heart. The melody transcripts from their heart. I don't know how to describe a song but the emotions of the maker really hits you. When someone dedicate a song to you, it's deeper than that. Speechless, no words to describe it somehow. Music heals my soul.

percussions

Our taste in music is so similar. I've been listening to a song on the radio and loved it but yet to know who sang it. Then he send me a link telling me I would like the band. It's a local indie band caled Estrella and one of their songs is the song I've been wanting to download but yet to find out who sang it. Coincidence? I don't know, he's just knows my taste in music very well, from bossa nova, lounge,chill out music, trance. Maybe it's just pure coincidence. Music is very improtant to me and he hit the nail on that part. ;)

bac 4 life?

I've been listening to trance more often that not. Tiesto,Armin, Frank Korsten,Shapeshifters etc. Something about the euphoric climax and cool beats really suits my mood. Holidays have started. It does not make much difference cause honestly, despite the clsses that have been going on, I'm still in the holiday mood.
On friday, college mates and i went out to chill and drink. We went to Chilli's for the Margaritas and just drink and chat. Then we headed to Tmn Desa to sober up over a teh tarik. Even with only 4 of us, it's fun. Purely social time where we can just talk about everything and have some great laughs. I always long for this kinda outing, when I was with Allan, I seldom go out with friends and I miss that.
Funny thing happen at Chilli's, we sat and ordered drinks and the waitress actually wanted to check our IC. OMFG!!! it's OMFG in a funny way...do I look under 18? I take it as a compliment. We all laughed and joked with the waitress of wanting to take the shaker back home and laughed at our IC pics.
Weekends are easier for me now. I scared I'm gonna be emo this weekend adding to the fact my parents went to Singapore. So i'll be alone in the house and would risk being emo. But to my suprise I'm fine. Friday night I came back around 1 something and slept till 12 pm the next day. I did my laundry and cleaned the interiirs of my car and watched several series. Took a nap and my sister came for dinner. We went to Jalan TAR to ger her baju kebaya and we ate there also. Then we dropped by the pasar malam and bought henna. (OMG which reminds me I got tau foo fah in the fridge from yesterday) It was on impulse when my sister and I spotted and Indian stall and looked around and we saw the henna. She said she wants to do. I'm like ok..just do la..We bought 3 tubes of henna and she drew on both of my hands and legs. Pics soon...Then this morning was church and dimsum in the afternoon. So now I'm here, blogging and not being emo.brownie points for me..yay!!
Plan to go gym later but super phobia about traffic jams and finding for parking so I think I'll take a raincheck.

That's about it. My weekend so far. K has gone back. Have to start living my life back again bu tthank him also for chatting with me yesterday night.

# 1 Presidente Margarita

#2 Not tipsy at all

#3 Us

#4 Crazy poses